I can’t help but wonder if marriage is similar to my only wearing dresses for the past three weeks. Not only the monogamy; but holy cow, the monotony! And, I am able to change the color, the style, the length, the cut. When you’re married, it is the same damn ‘dress’ – Every. Single. Day.
Okay, clearly I am not married (now). And, maybe part of the reason lies in my afore-mentioned feeling about same. I was poking fun likening it to my dresscapades; but, I am stone-faced about the monotony. I am fascinated and flabbergasted at the thought that two people can construct a life, day in and out, without eventually dying of complete boredom! And, this from someone who prides herself with the knowledge that that word has never been used in conjunction with her J
Marriage; they say “it’s a great institution; for those who wish to be institutionalized”. But, all snide remarks (for now) aside, I would truly like to understand, from those that are successfully doing it, how? And, from those, like me who have tried and are now successfully single, why? There are so many articles and books on the subject, so many marriage counselors and therapists – doesn’t it make you wonder that maybe there is so much mileage dedicated to this one topic – because it is unnatural? Hahahaha. Just kidding!
The reality is that nearly half of all marriages end in divorce (makes you wonder why those otherwise very cool gays are pushing so hard to do it); and quite frankly, I suspect that a great chunk of the half that stay together, do so for any of the following reasons: laziness, “cheaper to keep her”, there are children involved, religion, professional status, financial investments. The very sad reality is that it is not an easy feat to be “happily married”.
So, why do we keep doing it? Is it that we are gluttons for punishment or, a society of optimists; thinking that we will be luckier, smarter, more in love and wiser than “those other people that got divorced”? Have we convinced and conditioned ourselves to believe that love is all we need and ours is the one true love? Are we truly so very gullible (it is not nice to call other people “stupid”) that we buy in to the myth that “love conquers all”? Wow!
Believe me when I say that my rant is not about monogamy; I am a serial monogamist. What I am not however, is someone that deludes herself, about herself. So often I find that people are more willing to conform than to confront. Confront the truth about yourself; understand your breadths and your widths. Know how far out and long you can and are willing to go; with another person. If you have to, place a time limit on your “forever”; because believe me, most “forevers” are differing in length. And, when you are finished confronting your truth, get busy constructing your truth.
Let’s address this: if you want to get married; then for God’s sake, get married smartly! As a people it seems we have adopted the sheep-like mentality that makes us more content to put our noses in the ass in front and use that as our guide! Whatever happened to singular thought? Have we been so conditioned by our elders (who did fare better than we did; but that’s a whole other blog post), our priests (don’t get me started on them!), white conservative Republicans (yawn; redundant) and our desire to prove we’re better-than-our-girl-because-we-can-snag-a-man, that we disregard not only the bright red flags with him/her, but those flying high about ourselves?
Listen, all I’m saying is this: this marriage business is for big people; little girls and boys need not apply (truly…do not apply for the license). My personal opinion is that it should only be entered for the sake of procreation; outside of that, I think that people should love the shit out of each other…from separate homes! Truth. But, if two people elect to do it, more power to them! But please, enter that union with realistic expectations and an honest interpretation of each of your realities. Additionally, draft a blueprint that lays a sturdy foundation – with the freaking rocks that are in your garden! Do not buy yellow paving stones because that is what your neighbor uses; you neither have paving stones money nor a freaking driveway! Construct your relationship your way! You and your partner write what works for you! Live together. Live separately. Home-school your children. Be swingers. You work; he stays home with the kids. He works; you stay home. Joint bank accounts or not. You get Saturdays “off”; his day is Tuesday. Be unequivocally monogamous. You go to church every Sunday; he goes on the big holidays. Hold hands. No public affection. No children. Some children. Adoptive children. Whatthefuckever. Do YOU; because the only way to “have the marriage they have” is to marry one of them!
Stop glorifying the damn “white picket fence”! Most of us don’t even have a place to put the stupid thing! Ha-Ha…