Waiting For The Bell To Ring. When Is The Last Period?


Now ladies, more than likely the men are gone; so, let’s address this. I am sitting here at the tail-end of yet another monthly annoyance…and wondering why. And, let’s be clear – the “why” of the situation is directed solely at questioning why the fuck I am still having this bullshit! And, to add further insult to injury, I have zero time-line on when this will end, as our mother went into ‘forced’ menopause due to a hysterectomy. Sigh.

I don’t know about you all, but, I absolutely hate to have anything around me that is useless; be it furniture, clothing that no longer fits, expired food or coupons, a partner that no longer fits…or a menstrual cycle that regulates nothing more than when I wear certain underwear!! I mean, there was a time (or three), when the arrival of same allowed me to exhale; I was “safe” for another month. Those days are looonnnggg gone!

And, therein lies the bulk of my frustration! If I understood my Health Ed classes correctly, my “monthlies” regulate the appearance of my eggs, shaking them up and moving the little heifers around, so that if in a moment of naughtiness, I desired to procreate, his “guys” can try their best to make their way to the hot-bed area my body has prepared. Then, presto-chango, a munchkin. Right? Okay; got it.

But, here’s the thing – in that same class, I have learned that the eggs I do have are the same ones I was born with, forty-some-odd-years-ago! So, if my ass is (happily) getting older, hmmmmmmmm. And, if doctors are flinging around words such as “viable” and “high-risk” and “miscarriage” when referencing both eggs at my age and the ability to either get or remain pregnant, then someone please explain to me why I still need to go through this monthly inconvenience! Remember, if not useful…

Listen, I have heard some horror stories from some with regard to menopause – the hot-flashes, night sweats, sleeplessness, dryness in the vagina – but, we’ve all also heard ‘horror stories’ about labor; and some still go for it! My point is this: I look forward to menopause; for a number of reasons. One, I truly welcome and appreciate every single experience, change and age-related occurrence that signifies the fact that I am getting older. Because, it means I AM getting older; the alternative is not an option right now J . Next and equally as important to me is this, if the fact that my eggs may be too old to do their procreating job well, then I would truly appreciate their not interrupting and shutting down what could be five/six more days for me to , well, you know 😉

And, while I’m at it, can we also throw in the ring the fact that I think my cramps have gotten worse as I’ve gotten older! Shit, it’s as if they too are wondering why the hell they still need to be doing their thing at my age; so they “be showing up wildin’”! Haha. But truth be told, the pain is no laughing matter on that day two! Y God! (Oh, look at that; I meant to type “My God” but I think I will leave it as it is; quite appropriate). Why God?

I’m gonna wrap this shit up; got stuff to do! I view having your period in the same light as I do marriage – the only reason for ether is to procreate! I also consider them both “messy”. Hahahahahaha. Okay. I just wish mine would stop…before I get the idea to accept its challenge J

“Jokes about menstrual cycles are not funny. Period…”

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