The woman. Undeniably very beautiful; at once sens…shit; read the first paragraph! I have better things to do than repeat myself!
So, let’s address why the one, at certain times, with certain behavior, is called the other. And, let’s discuss how you do feel about the comparison or similarities. I’ll start J
For those of you out there who have been living a very traditional existence (I refrain from calling it ‘boring’), modern-day society has coined an older woman who targets, focuses on and acquires a much younger man as her lover, a cougar. The psychology is that such a woman is predatory; preying on the innocence and naiveté of the younger (at times dumber) species. This woman is saddled with the full responsibility with regard to the disparity in this relationship; the younger man absolved of all collusion.
Bullshit! Unequivocally…bullshit! I swear he knew what he was doing! I mean…well; fuck, okay, I am proud – call me the “c” word (no…not that other one!). Listen, dating younger is something that men have been doing for centuries! And I dare say, at least when we do it, it is not so obviously pitiful! And, I can proudly attest that, at least where I am concerned, it is not for my money! Ha-ha.
From a woman’s perspective, here is some of what happens: there’s something ‘in the water’ these days that is keeping a lot of us women looking very much younger than we actually are; so, as is that male-way, being very visual beings, the initial level of attention and attraction is checked off. Then, you speak. Now let’s establish this – a cougar is not any older woman who dates a younger man. A true self-respecting cougar is in her mid-forties or older and dating men at least fifteen years her junior. So, given that data, imagine a younger man being attracted to a beautiful, sexy older-but-looking-younger woman…and then she speaks to him! Not in that “thirsty”, desperate, insecure kinda way that some of the younger exhibit; but in the self-assured, self-aware, secure, “I-can-have-you-if-I-want-you” kinda way that only the truly mature can exude. Check, please (oh yes; and she pays it; this time)!
The dance begins; and this woman knows how to let her man believe that he is leading. The cougar, because of her age and experience and in spite of this unconventionalism, is a woman who appreciates and insists on the natural roles of each species. She personifies femininity and demands that, in spite of his age, her man behaves and handles both himself and her as, well, a man! An older woman may be willing to let a younger man into her life, her bed and her heart; but, let’s say it again, “an older woman may be willing to let a younger man into her life, her bed and her heart”; again, “an older woman may be willing to let a younger man into her life, her bed…”. Still nothing? Last time: “an older woman may be willing to let a younger man….” Ahhhh; get it now? Remember, cougars are not tame animals; there is nothing “house pet” about them. Cougars, like all animals in the wild, appreciate and respect the hunt and the chase. Cougars, in all their animalistic tendencies, will (seemingly) supplicate to a stronger, more dominant animal.
Listen; there is no misguided hope that one can roll back the years by being penetrated with a fountain of youth. At least, it is not my hope (you really couldn’t pay me to go back to my thirties!). For me, it is not even really a thought. My decisions have been as a result of where I am in life when I encounter my experiences. Let me explain. I have vowed to soak up all the fantastic, interesting and exciting opportunities that I am blessed to have an option in; professionally, personally and academically. I have been so very fortunate to have met some absolutely wonderful people. Who am I to let little things like age, color, ethnicity or genders stop me?! Ha-ha. Truly.
Now having said that, I do concede that there are those instances where, let’s deal with age, matters. An older woman may have already been married and have had her children. She may either be unwilling to again do the former and may be unable (or unwilling) to again do the latter. The younger man may be in the market for both; or easily, the one. Potentially a difficult situation; but, given all the options these days, certainly not impossible – provided both parties are willing to explore same. Additionally, because you as a couple may not flinch at the reality of your ‘couplehood’, certainly that does not insulate or innoculate you from the prejudice of those others not so liberal and prone to judgment.
Here’s my advice: establish the rules early on. Agree on what your coupling is truly about – sex, companionship, friendship, dating, exclusivity or partnership. Depending on the choice(s) you agree to, more or less conversations will need to happen; boundaries will be set and compromises made. Expectations will be listed or mitigated. Approach this as one should any other relationship – being truthful about what both your intentions and expectations are.
Listen, I do concede that there are many aspects of this that may seem and indeed are a bit unorthodox; but, there are also those aspects that make absolute sense and that belie the so-called conventionalism of the older man-younger woman dynamic. I leave you with just one: young ladies, when you are blessed to find a man who you cannot believe is so good to you, knows how to speak with you, handles his responsibilities and does not shy away from yours, is focused and driven, knows when to laugh and listen…ladies, when your man knows how to touch you – ask him – chances may be that the woman he has learned all of that from, was not his mother 😉