No Really…Go Fuck Yourself!

I am amazed at how many of us have never masturbated.

The reason for my dismay at this reality is not so much to do with the ‘freak’ of this action, as it is a referendum to the fact that many of us are living not truly knowing ourselves. And make no mistake I am speaking strictly in the biblical sense. Simple question: for all of you who have never touched yourselves, how in God’s name can you truly know if your partner is touching you well?

Okay….let me give you prudes a minute to get some water and try to calm yourselves. Let’s talk cars (yes, I know…we’re still talking about steel; ha-ha). Okay, cars. I don’t drive; but this I know, if I wanted to learn, I will have to do so from someone who knows how. I will prefer to get taught by someone who can handle both an automatic and a stick shift (stop! Get your minds out of the gutter!); simply because I would try to ensure that my instructor is quite qualified. Listen – only someone with a valid driver’s license will do! After all, that IS heavy machinery!

Continue to sip on that water; the rest of us will wait. I’m a student; every time I enter my classroom, I expect that the professor or instructor that is standing at the front of the class is fully qualified; I am paying for his or her expertise. I depend on the implicit assurance that they have been fully vetted by the college; hired and presented to me because they hold some authority in their given field. My success as a student is heavily dependent on their abilities to teach me what I do not know; to take me along on a journey of acquiring valuable knowledge.

Put the glass down; time for some big-people talk. Whether learning to drive, starting in a new or unfamiliar professional position, or forging through our entire academic careers, we need to be taught, to seek and follow instruction, to be guided through alien territory. Our bodies are no different. In fact, the fact that we are walking around with it does not guarantee that we automatically know not only what’s happening under the hood; but more importantly, what all the bits and pieces under the hood really do. And, because we may be able to afford a mechanic, does not mean we should not be aware when we are being short-changed or gouged! At the very least, we should all be able to look over our mechanic’s shoulder to know if they’re not focusing on the part that’s giving the trouble. Hahaha.

People, let’s address this: consider this right off the bat – masturbation is having sex with someone you both like and trust! Next, all joking aside, exploring and learning your body is not only your right…it kinda sorta is your responsibility! Truly. Think about it – how are you going to both educate and share yourself fully and openly with your lover if you don’t even know what you want? How are you expected to achieve the level of freedom that your lover deserves if you’re too uptight to allow yourself said freedom when no one is watching? Trust me when I say to all of you that may be scoffing at this notion and vowing that you’ve had or are having “just fine” sex without this freakiness I am talking about – you’re right; your experience is indeed “just fine”.

See, but I’m winking at those that know that that shit can be downright spectacular! The ones that understand that making love or fucking (depending on your mood) is equal part skill and freedom. The lovers who appreciate that there is nothing controlled or off-limits; and that especially includes my access to and understanding of my own body and its needs. Okay, masturbation does many things – it certainly relieves the pressure when one is unable to access the object of one’s desire – especially when one is in a committed relationship. But long before masturbation is utilized as an ally to your fidelity, it really should be employed as a, not teachable, but a ‘learnable moment’. No really, it should.

Men, excuse me for a moment; yall are pretty, no pun intended, straight forward J . Women, we are not. There is such a myriad amount of terrain to cover – at times smooth, a pothole or two, blind corners, speed bumps – it’s only after maneuvering on it over and again can you then truly begin to learn the territory…only then can you teach someone else how to handle their vehicle on it. Think about it – even the DMV demands that a licensed driver accompanies someone with a permit every time they get behind the wheel 😉

Learn your bodies. Touch yourselves. Do not deny yourself the best mind-altering shit there is! Get to know what feels great and how to get there. Figure out the pressure-points and the areas that need extra attention. Take yourself over the edge; again and again. Pat yourself on the…well, get off on the…shit, congratulate yourself on your ability to be the best lover you have ever had! Call your own damn name! Be your own damn “Daddy”! Then, when you know how you would like to feel, teach your lover how to do it just the way you like it. Trust me when I tell you this: there is absofuckinglutely nothing sexier than being a lover who, because she knows how and where to touch herself, can place herself on her partner…expertly guiding him to just that secret, special, coveted, but ohhhhhhhhhhhh so familiar place.

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