I Do.

As we come back down from the family and turkey-high to rejoin our lives as they day-to-day are, I would like to wish you all a fantastic week ahead.

There is little doubt that for so many, these past days have been filled with much laughter, love and abundance; for that, we should absolutely recognize and voice our blessings. But, for so very many, these last few days mirrored so many other days that only laid out before them hopelessness, despair and barrenness.

If you can read this, again, you have much. So please, let us share of ourselves with those that have no one and nothing; and, it is easier than you may think (if you ever think about it; that is). On your commute back to your home today, how about packing an extra ‘to-go’ bag; but not for you – on the drive, the train ride, the bus ride or after the flight in – trust me, if you look, you will see someone who looks as if what you carry, can help. And for those who hosted the festivities – take it on the train, drive in to work tomorrow. Or maybe, when all the family leaves today/when you get back home from the safety and warmth of your family’s bosom – it’s a great day to turn on the football (O…there IS football today; yes?) and rummage through your closet(s) – there may be something in the back there that no one wears anymore – but that someone in need can.

Listen, between now and the next holiday that dictates and calls for our undivided singular (and oftentimes, selfish) attention, it would be a fantastic thing if we were to expose the absolute wonderful, selfless, giving, thoughtful, aware and generous human beings we are (our family already knows) to those that maybe we can help. Trust me, even in what we may at times consider our lack, there are so very many more with absolutely nothing. I am just advocating that we pay attention to the people and things that we so easily overlook.

Oh, sorry; here is why I am addressing this: the changes we demand happen when a valid or so-called injustice is perpetrated on others – be it a ‘white on black’ crime, an atrocity driven by a (misguided) religious zealot or those “in our own backyards” – in our homes – can only happen when we become more attuned to and convinced of the fundamental right of all human beings, to be regarded in the same light as we regard ourselves. Believe me when I tell you that I will never have justice until you have justice!

Mahatma Gandhi said (and we all know it), “Be the change you wish to see in the world”; now, let’s do it. Collectively, let’s all stop pointing fingers at the ones out there and start looking into our own selves and lives and see if there is anything, any little thing that we can do to clean up our own crap! I understand that it is easy to yell and express our anger at others (and we should); they make it so damned easy. But think about this: before the police made Eric Garner’s name a household one, most of us would have walked by him or even turned our noses up at him in the street. Now, we’re outraged. So, if he had died on the street due to hunger or hyperthermia, shouldn’t we all be prosecuted because we could have helped and didn’t?

Listen…have a great week! But, after you read this, Google the rest of this shit: “living in glass houses” “the speck in my eye”, “there but for the grace of God”…

… Should All Be ‘Tanked’ (Get It?)

I’m Trinidadian, so Thanksgiving Day, this last Thursday in November, means nothing more to me than a day…off. It’s a day to relax, to sleep in, to, when I eventually do wake up, think about where I am going to eat today – but not because of the symbolism of the day – but because I need to eat!

But, my grumpy ass aside, I would very much like to have a conversation about being thankful; about recognizing our blessings and acknowledging where they came from. ‘Cause see, sadly I have realized that our society needs reminders, days and dates that tell us to do the shit that we should be doing anyway! So today, we all get hot and sweaty and “break the internet” touting our gratitude. Similarly, we need to be reminded to tell and show our partners how much we love them; cue Valentine’s Day. Jesus…oh yeah, him; okay, let’s dust off the mangers and shit…December 25th is coming! Scary to think the type of humans we would be without a calendar and an alarm clock. Sigh.

But, I digress. Giving thanks. Let’s address this: the truth that our gratitude needs to be calendared is a sad commentary indeed! Okay, before we go further let me say this – for those that would want to insist that you live each of your days in a perpetual state of gratitude …good for you! And, I will even go so far as to say I believe (and applaud) you. But the truth is, the proof indeed is in the pudding – the vast majority moves through their journey, treating their lives as if it is meaningless. So much so that even we limp Mathematicians can deduce that there must not be much value residing there. Oh! And a vital component of gratitude is value. Indeed. Good or bad, one only treasures and is grateful for those people, experiences, lessons and things that he considers valuable.

Listen, far be it from me to tell you all how to live your lives; I really only tell you how to manage the fifteen minutes it takes to click on your ‘favorites’ tab, wait for the page of your favorite blogger’s site to load, then sit back and read J . But, once you’ve gotten your LAT-fix for the day, I would recommend this (once you’ve finished laughing, that is): let’s start with looking down at the device you’ve just read this post on – an iSomething, an Android, some new-fangled Windows tab – whatever the device. See (and never doubt that I carefully choose all my words; yes Sis (Wendy, that is), even the curse ones)…you can see! And, if you are able to recognize and process all the words and nuances I infuse into my shenanigans, a fucking educator did that! Oh yeah; I know it’s not December 25th, so please excuse me for acknowledging that there is a God when the calendar has not indicated that it’s His turn yet – but, if you are present today to power on, log on, look down, hold something, read, understand and laugh at my shit – you’re alive! Yall get it yet? Every day we do the same shit; albeit in different clothing. Every day is a day to be grateful! Not on Facebook, not necessarily preaching (okay, admonishing) to folks on the subway, but quietly and through our actions, every day we should lead our lives as if it means something and we are grateful to have it.

Do yall know how tired yall make me? Hahahaha; truly. I get up every day and get it up for yall; that is some tiring work! Ha-ha. But truly? I am so damn grateful that you read and allow me to indulge in myself, that, to show my gratitude, I do it again the next day. Hahaha. Joke’s on yall! Listen people, throw out the calendars; let your inner-corniness guide you. See, if you look at the dates that have been commercialized, designed to obscenely line the pockets of those that depend on our gullibility and droneability, you will realize that living those so-called occasions is something that you can achieve many times over… during any given day (and, it will cost you a lot less!). Just sayin’

Happy “I am so glad you’re here. I really do love you. God, I acknowledge your presence; because I am awake. Thank you for your service. You discovered us? Good lookin’. You brought home the bacon? You cooked it? Sorry you had to work under those horrible conditions. You have a dream? Me too! Living mine. Thank your parents for me, for having sex We do not want you to own us anymore; we’re out” Day.

“When you rise in the morning, give thanks for the light, for your life, for your strength. Give thanks for your food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason to give thanks, the fault lies in yourself…”

A Train Of Thought:

It has finally happened – my involvement in an altercation on the subway. Sigh.

Yesterday, after running (yes; in my 4 inches) and barely skating onto the A-train heading home, I realized as soon as the door closed, that I was on a car in the throes of an altercation. Great! So, instead of going deeper into the car, I eased my way back closer to the door and away from the fracas. Then, I took one side of my headphones out of my ear, to ascertain exactly what this particular madness was about.

Apparently, young man B was mad because he insisted that young man A had not said “excuse me” when attempting to move his way onto the train. By the time I tuned in, the “N-word” was being flung about; coupled with the challenges to “let’s get it poppin’”. Sigh. See now, the thing is that man A was approximately seventeen years old; while B was approximately twenty-eight/thirty years old. Oh…and A? Well, he rose (or sunk; depending on your perspective) to the challenge to “pop”, announced that he was “going to jail tonight” and squared a stance squarely in the face of B; taunting him. What do you think happened? Older and, according to A, “pussy” B did nothing! Well, except curse, fling the derogatory slurs around and invite A to “get off at my stop Nigga” – scheduling a fight. Sigh.

This back and forth went on from Fulton Street in Manhattan, to High Street in Brooklyn. At that stop, I finally had enough – of them, the fucking idiot at my job – anyone, everyone whose behavior needs to be checked; or even prosecuted! I turned my music off, took the other bud out of my ear, put my phone into my pocket…and opened my mouth: “Enough!” I yelled. “I am a black woman; so I would appreciate if you would refrain from flinging that word around”. The entire car now turns to me. I am directing my conversation to stupid-man B. “What word?” the idiot says. “The N-word” I clearly retort. And, because he was now committed to confirming his ignorance, he says, “I am African; so I can say whatever I want. You can’t tell me what the fuck to say!” I exhaled. I have never heard an A-train this quiet; all eyes on me. I smile. I look him directly in his eyes and I enunciate, “I cannot fight. I will not “get it poppin’”; so how about you work on and improve your vocabulary so that eventually this can be a worthy fight”. Oh shit! Who said that?!? My little corner of the car erupted; I got cheers, high fives, thumbs ups and, the man next to me gave me a ‘pound’ J . Young man A gave me a grateful smile and, our tax dollars at work, miraculously at the next stop, there were the cops, telling B that that was his stop.

I realized as I put my music back on and in, that I was shaking. The entire interaction, both theirs and mine, was unpleasant. Seeing the anger and disrespect that these two young men had for each other…for no more reason than a supposed slight, was enlightening and sad. Accepting where they were willing to take it was frightening. It was this reality that propelled me to step in. It was too early, too much and too stupid! I remember watching them and thinking about all the ire we have for the (white) police who kill our socalled brothers and sisters and yet here they were, two young black men, threatening each other and courting death! I remember being so very fed-up with the hypocrisy! Enough! It would be one thing if the ones (in my opinion) who truly deserve it are the ones that end up hurt or killed; but in a subway car full of passengers, it’s us, the innocents, that pay the price! I just had enough!

So, I opened my mouth. I opened my mouth and I fought my way. And, I will continue to do so. I am now truly fed-up; there is just too much injustice everywhere – in homes, in offices, in schools, in churches, in the streets – everywhere. As a society, we are becoming too comfortable being human beings with sub-standard standards. Like I told that idiot – I cannot do “street”; but I sure can speak – so that is where I will take my fight… Enough!

…He Sure Sold Yall A Bill Of Goods!

I thought I was going to stay very far away from this Bill Cosby bullshit; because, as you all should have noticed by now, I am not much for regurgitating the things that have already been chewed many times; and, I loathe giving much attention to celebrities and their shenanigans. But, this morning I realized I actually do have an opinion. Well, truth be told, I just have thoughts…

My initial thought when this story broke, was, “here we go again!” Truly. I remember being (and still am) so very fed-up with the continual fall from (yalls) grace where these so-called ‘role models’ are placed. I mean, when will yall stop placing so much stock in people you truly do not know? And, the reason I am saying “yall” is because I do not possess that particular motivation or delusion. I continue to be flabbergasted at the trust that so many seem to place in complete fucking strangers! If you have to find someone to “look up to”, why not place your money on someone who knows your damn name?! I am so angered by this particular penchant that I feel like sticking my tongue out and saying/taunting “neh neh neh neh neh”. Serves you right!

What is it about (some of) us as a society that needs to infuse such trust and loyalty into people that we have not, nor more than likely, will ever meet? Is fame (that oftentimes turns into notoriety) the only criteria that is needed for us to then place what should be our hard-earned respect into these people? Exactly what was it about Bill Cosby that earned him such trust that now illicit such feelings of betrayal? Did he hold some political or religious office that mandated that he stands before us and swears an oath to ‘behave’, that now makes his fall from grace so unconscionable? Was he charged with the responsibility of protecting our daughters, thereby making these supposed (I really mean, true) allegations not only an affront, but evidence of his having perpetrated such a direct and damaging breach of obligation to said children? I will ask again – what makes a stranger’s misdeeds so very important to your/our lives?

Let me address this by answering for myself (it’s Monday; it takes me at least until Tuesday to start answering for you all) – what that man has done, or not, affects my life this much (as I both cross my legs and squish one index finger to the other)! How the hell do we allow ourselves (especially as it is not the first, second, third, or twentieth time that some stranger you’ve placed on a pedestal), to invest so much emotion to the point of making a reality their ability to disappoint? Being angered, I (may) understand. But being disappointed? Why? Why did you think he owed you his best behavior? Or, even his good behavior? No offense…but who are you?

Okay, before some of you prematurely hit the ‘comment’ button, please allow me to explain myself (and, what the hell…this is MY blog!). Sigh. Okay, let’s address this: my disdain for most things ‘celebrity’ and the accolades we tend to heap upon them without their having to do much more than act, sing or establish a high-profile social media presence, is the stuff foolishness is made of! When are we going to get to the point where, if we have to pay these people much more than the attention and money their talent deserves, we vet them for worthiness? Again I ask – what did Bill Cosby do to warrant our belief that he was a good man? A man of integrity? Was all he had to do to earn our esteem, was be black and make us laugh? Have we truly become so damned simple?

Listen, I believe the man raped those women. But, who cares what my opinion is? It is as baseless as your faith and belief in him had been! Founded on nothing more than the fact that I, like you, am allowed to come to my own conclusions. But see, now we get to why I am so very fearful of our propensity to sprinkle so much hope onto strangers – the reason that these people believe they are allowed to behave badly, to indulge themselves at the expense of others, is because we, by our wide-eyed stupidity, give them just the arrogance and veil of duplicity that they depend on. The fact that we ask absofuckinglutely nothing more of them than to just “be” is our endorsement of their self-indulgences! When we blindly idolize, we implicitly mobilize. Understand that our adoration allows for self-importance, secrecy, denial and believability.

Sigh. Okay, I’m not saying that the responsibility for any bad behavior needs to be placed at yalls (not mine) feet; but what I am saying is that viewing these celebrities and people in the spotlight as simply the artists and athletes they are will be doing everyone a favor. Maybe if we (well, yall) stop diety’fying them, it will reveal the truth of their human selves. Maybe stripping away all the access our (well, your) undeserved adoration affords them, will encourage the changes in attitude and behavior we clamor for; albeit much too late – when the freaking train has already left the station! Think about it like this – when you spoil a child, allowing willfulness, disrespect, a lack of gratitude, selfishness and reliance on being the (undeserved) center of the universe, you create a brat; a child that no one else would like to have around – a child that then bullies and imposes their (learned) desire for will onto others.  Again I ask – what has any of these people done to deserve the goodwill you offer? Why do we constantly deliver our misguided adoration as the vehicle they then use to disappoint us and hurt others?

I’m done. I hope that one day soon, we wake up and realize that we and our children will be very well served (and protected) if we were to raise the bar on the criteria we implement when selecting our role models. Just sayin’…

Comment right here. Address me here: emailme@letsaddressthis.com

“Hold”ing So Much More Than “The MSG”

So, last evening I had dinner with one of my best friends, Lee, his girlfriend and his mother. I know some of you rude people are probably saying, “so?” but holdthefuckonalready! Jeez! So, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted – Lee lives in Austin (Texas, that is), so comes into town not often enough for me. However, yesterday was a very special trip, with an amazingly special reason; that is none of your business! Hahaha.

So, the plan was drinks, dinner with drinks, then a comedy show with, you guessed it, drinks. Great night planned! Over time, the details of this evening may infiltrate themselves into other posts; but what I would like to discuss outright today, is what we ate. See, never let my skinny self fool you…I love my food!

Let’s address this: the responsibility for this choice seemed to ping-pong between Lee and Rachel; and, here’s why. We went to Pure Food and Wine. Okay, don’t know if yall have ever been or heard about this place (and judging from how packed it was, I may have been the last to know about it); but, check it out: http://www.yelp.com/biz/pure-food-and-wine-new-york (and no; they are not paying me to write a review or to blog about it…at least not yet). Here is why I am taking up both our moments to address this: I sat and had dinner at a place that (1) served me no meat…of any kind! (2) every goddam thing they served me was healthy; nothing fried, battered, or buttered! (3) they even had the (delicious) audacity to health-up the wine, beer and cocktails! Everywhere I freaking turned – nah, fuck that – everywhere I fucking turned it was “gluten-free this; vegan that”! What exactly is “gluten” anyway? And why does it get to be “free”? Sigh.

Hahaha. Okay; let me stop; it was good! True. There were some very interesting and innovative things done with beans, vegetables and wrappings. There was a lot of corn, nuts and avocado everywhere. I ate and drank things in ways I never had before; especially after I was admonished to “just shut up and eat it” in response to my trepidation and skepticism. Listen, I was so initially traumatized, that I almost threw a fucking parade when the olives were delivered to the table – looking like olives!!

You know what? Now that I think about it, I feel like I was in the middle of a Sex and the City episode – I felt fabulously chic being there, surrounded by New York’s Healthiest, talking, laughing and snubbing my nose at gluten! Except of course, if I were truly one of those fabulous ladies, my ass would have been at the opening of said place; not sitting wide-eyed 10+ years later! Oh well… But, I was there; and it truly was one of those undeniable moments in time that can and do happen anywhere; but taste so much better when it happens here.

Yall health-conscious people should check this place out; and I hear in the summer their outdoor garden is amazingly beautiful; all Zen’d out and just the perfect backdrop for you to treat your body well. Listen, it felt good to experience something new; so I thank whichever of those two decided I needed to be there. It also felt good to actualize what eating a healthy meal can look and taste like (oh; and cost!). I think I am most grateful though, for the opportunity to now say, if/when some obnoxious NYorker asks, “do you eat healthy?”, “why yes, I do” 😉

Signed,

Scrounging For A Big Mac, Though

Lesson In Life:

A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke.

Everybody laughs like crazy.

After a moment, he cracked the same joke again.

This time, less people laughed.

He cracked the same joke again and again.

When there is no laughter in the crowd,

he smiled and said:

You can’t laugh at the same joke again and again,

but why do you keep crying over the same thing

over and over again?

“Life Is A Terminal Disease…”

I actually was waiting to see what would be the catalyst for my first school/student-related post. Yesterday, I got it.

So, because I have not yet gotten the Department of Education to suspend all classes during the week of my birthday thereby acknowledging the occasion that it is, one of my professors was within his right to schedule a midterm yesterday! Sigh. So naturally, all studying for that was being done in the cafeteria in the three hours I had between work and the start of class. Everything was going well; my focus was at 100 – right up until I tuned in to the conversation of the two young ladies seated behind me.

Okay … one asked the other how old she was; she replied, “nineteen”. This prompted a shriek from the other, followed quickly by, “I hate you!” “Why?” was the innocent’s comeback, “because you’re older?” A sigh; then a (defeated), “yes. I’m so jealous! You’re so lucky! I’m twenty-four!” Okay…what the fuck?!? What the hell?!? Is honey truly having a conniption because she feels old at twenty-four?!? Well, she did indeed; so, I waited with bated breath to hear what was to come next. I was not disappointed!

The old one went on to detail the reason for her anxiety; and this is how she prefaced what was to come: “From the moment I turned twenty-four, I started my descent toward death; so, I need to find my husband on the subway ride home tonight!” Then she laid it out (and I had to admit I was impressed by both her arrogance to think she has control over this and the obvious thought she has invested with regard to her life); here is this young lady’s perspective: because she’s twenty-four, she needs to meet the man who will be hers “tonight”; because they will need to date for two-three years before he proposes. That puts her old ass at twenty-six/seven. After he proposes, they will remain affianced for approximately one to two years, while she plans the wedding; so she is now at the ripe old age of twenty-nine walking down the aisle. She would like to “enjoy” her husband before they have children; but, at this rate, she can only do that for one year, because, well, she IS thirty! Oh, then there was this….”everybody knows that after the age of thirty-two/three no one should be trying to have babies. That is both risky and irresponsible and not fair to the babies”. I’m sorry…WHAT?? Oh; and she also would like to have them by that age because there is “no way” that she will have children when she is no longer able to relate to the “state of the social world as it is now”. Sigh.

I was/am flabbergasted! Don’t ask me how I think I did on that midterm, because all pretenses at studying ceased! Okay, can’t front…I did well J . But back on track. As I stated, I did admire the young/old lady’s meticulous and very well-presented agenda with regard to her life; there was no denying that she is focused. What I marveled at, at the same time however, is the naiveté and arrogance of the young! Additionally, I had to force myself to stay seated, head bent over my textbook and maintain the appearance of also one quite focused… on her studies. It took so much out of me to not turn around – and blog out loud!

If I had turned around, this is what I would have shared: “Young lady, good for you for thinking about and being an active participant in both your future and your life; I am truly impressed. But, would you mind if I were to be so very bold as to share some things with you both? No? Great. First, take a taxi home tonight baby-girl;  J . Seriously. It is not time. Here you are, clearly quite intelligent, but worried that your path to medical school (she is Pre-Med) will hinder your plan and the time-line you have constructed for marriage and parenthood; so much so that you are rethinking med-school. Young lady, continue on your academic path; this world needs more young, black, focused people with the ability to make significant strides in all professions; but my God…certainly in the medical one! By no means am I advocating that you abandon your other obvious desire to be a wife and mother (and I applaud you for the sequence you have put out to the universe); but I promise you that one does not dictate that you forfeit the other. You, we, can have it all. Shit; your husband may be a fellow resident; he’s not on the train tonight…it’s too damn cold”.

I listened to her and she made me feel old and that made me smile. I felt old because I was, okay, eavesdropping, on a twenty-four year old’s mini meltdown regarding the passing of time and her need to “get going” so that she won’t miss some understood social calendar. I smiled because I wish her luck with that! All of us over-twenty-somethings can/should tell those coming up (seemingly quickly) behind us, that “It’s all okay”. See, what honey doesn’t yet recognize, is that she’s already doing life! Her lamenting that since she turned twenty-four, all she has to look forward to is a “slow death”, is the stuff of much ignorance! First, we all started dying the moment we were born; so she’s way off with her timeline. Next, because of that fact, it truly does not matter when you do what. What matters is that you do do ‘what’. Life does not start at nineteen or twenty-four or any of the other arbitrary milestones we single-out; life just starts! And, the other news flash? It ALL means nothing! All life really is, is its levity at our arrogance in thinking that we have a “say” in how it shakes out; that it acquiesces to the plans and paths we construct.

But see, she (like the rest of us), is absolutely right in formulating a blueprint; in leaving a trail of breadcrumbs that lights the way toward a desired outcome. Good for her! What I wish I did say out loud to her was this: “don’t be so caught up in the destination that you completely miss out on the incredible journey…”

Sigh. Took my old ass to class 🙂

Match.scum?

Off and on over the past few years, I have been tiptoeing around my feelings about on-line dating; alternating between scoffing at what I have considered to be the “touch of desperation” that has led many to resort to such measures and my thinking that maybe it should/can be viewed and utilized the same way we view (and utilize) real estate agents – state our wants and criteria, have someone do the legwork by sifting through all the crappy options (you know…the ones that are too small or not well maintained) and show us only the remaining that are worthy J

According to some of my friends, they and some of their friends and families have had much success using the web to chaperon their love lives; it seems the commercials are indeed credible. But even with the personal feedback, I have maintained a touch of that “there must be something wrong with you” opinion for having to resort to such measures; divorcing from the reality that I know quite well that (aside from being all crazy) there is absolutely nothing wrong with my friends. I recognize that my concern and disdain are in part stemming from fear of the unsub (unknown subject) behind the keyboard and the inability to immediately implement the ‘bullshit meter’ by looking into someone’s eyes while giving them the good old sniff-test. I mean case in point…you all have absolutely no idea if “I’m” really “I” as you read these words. What if someone has hijacked my page and is now purporting to be legitimately addressing things with you? And, if it is in fact me, there is no saying what condition I am writing in – could be naked, drunk, make-up less, sleep-crusted eyes, sitting on the toilet bowl…see what I mean? There is so much anonymity that the internet is dependent on, that if one were to truly connect to that reality when executing certain activities, it would/should lend a pause in certain decisions.

So, that’s in part my bewilderment when it comes to seeking the next person you would be exchanging fluids with – how does one implement a vehicle so steeped in sterility and facelessness to weigh-in on such a hands-on (no pun intended) aspect of life? Shouldn’t everything about this set-up and get-up be highly personal? Shouldn’t this situation personify the phrase “reach out and touch someone”? Shouldn’t the fact that so many are turning to this method point out to us that not only have our lives become way too busy perhaps, but additionally that our fingers have taken the place of our mouths? Think about that (and it is NOT naughty!).

But, the reality is that many of us are too busy – careers, single-parenthood, other familial obligations, academic careers – whatever the things in our lives are that severely limit our ability to get to the places where we may possibly meet our next ex. For a limited number of us, it seems that we are able to just continue with our regular routine and there he/she comes and walks right into it. But for most, the likelihood that all the planets in your universe will align when you open the door to the Domino’s Pizza guy and fall instantly in like is quite slim (or at least it won’t be about the guy). So, a little ‘help’ may just be what you need.

Let’s address this: there are predators out there; so, on and off-line, be careful with the information you share and how quickly you open and expose yourself and your life to anyone. Use wisdom. Do not let your desire for companionship (or just your plain old desire) usurp your right to safety. In all things remain vigilant. When conducting the ‘dance’ that is the courtship, pay close attention to the beat of the music and stay the fuck in rhythm (ha-ha; just wanted to confirm that it IS me typing). Do not rush; what you should be looking for, if you’re lucky, will last for your length of forever (I do not believe in the blanket “forever”; sorry); so, in the initial stages, pace your damn selves and try to outlast the built-in period of good behavior!

See, but this is also part of what I have learned is one of the benefits of on-line match-ups. Presumably, the building of the profiles is so extensive, thus time-consuming, that aside from the amount of content that it reveals, it also highlights one’s commitment to a favorable and long-lasting outcome. I mean, don’t know about you, but the more time I (have to) invest in doing anything, is the more I am invested in the end-result. Think about it – if I call up for a ‘quickie’ in the back seat of the car or the public bathroom of the lounge, I may be more interested in the freak of the act, than I am in leak of the, well… But, bet your ass that if we do what we do in a space that does not demand we either rush or contort too much (unless that’s your thing), my desired end-game will be entirely different. Not only will I want it all, but believe, I will be doing my part to make it last ;). Now do yall understand the lengthy process to create a profile? Hahaha.

Listen, at the end of the day, it seems that we all want the same things; despite the packaging – companionship, emotional support, partnership and love. Oh yeah…and some great-ass sex (hmmmmm; coulda just stopped at saying “some great ass”; but Neesie reads this J ). My point is whatever, however you go about meeting and deciding on the one for you, be safe. In fact initially, be so damn thorough that you can be accused of taking the romance out of the equation, because you approach it like a new employer or landlord – check references and ask pertinent questions; find out why they’re (supposedly) single – I mean, if they’re soooooooooo damn “perfect”, why are they available? Ask. Don’t be too desperate and so needy that you just open your door and your life to the first person that glances at you; remember, stray dogs look at you equally as longingly in the street ….it may be that both just need something to eat and a place to live; but eventually, they’ll both arch their backs and shit!

It stands to reason, given the state of our world that logging in is the way we are choosing to find love; we log in for most everything else. As far as I am concerned, I am willing to stretch my mind before I render my final verdict as to its merits or not; maybe it calls for an experiment; will keep yall posted on that. But I do know this – wherever you do find whatever ‘love’ means to you – eHarmony, Match, Where Black People Meet, Christian Mingle, wherever online – do yourself a favor then… keep it offline!

Happy Birthday To You! Happy Birthday You’re Two!

Happy 2nd Birthday to my beautiful God-child, Zenn. I continue to thank God for her and to pray for a life filled with laughter, education, wonderful mysteries, awe-filled surprises, humility, kindness, love, peace, exploration…and music. photo_baby_500x750

I continue to pray that God blesses me with the strength to guide, the wisdom to speak and the courage to be, along with her parents and the ‘village’, the warrior she deserves.

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