So, lately (okay; for a while now) I have been noticing that there has become a culture amongst some of us forty-something women that seems to dictate that, as they get closer to what seems to be the dreaded 5-0 and beyond, quite a few of the afore-learned lessons and wisdom are eliminated from their current situation. Yes, I have been keeping a somewhat disappointed eye on some of my contemporaries; shocked at what I have both been seeing and hearing.
Let’s address this: I absolutely understand that different ages in life demonstrate different stages in life; I get that. Thankfully I am not the child that I was in my 20’s… purporting to know things; but truly only having personified that urban adage, “young dumb and full of cum”! Thank God those days are over! In my thirties, thankfully for all involved, I truly did begin to learn some lessons – about life, about love, about friendship and, about myself! My thirties began the journey towards happiness and peace. So here I am, fully ensconced in my forties; looking forward to tipping over into the other half of life that I just know will be even more spectacular! Truly. Because now, now I DO know things!!
See, but for me, there is absolutely no fear or sadness living in this space in life. For me, the alternative is worse; so this is fantastic J . But I have been realizing that there are quite a few (and today, I am talking ‘women’) who seem so distressed at aging (as if we weren’t always ‘aging’) that their behaviors are a grotesque pantomime of desperately “grasping at straws”; trying to clutch at the things, people and behaviors that hopefully will deny the truth of their realities.
Okay, let me both be specific and ask some questions. In some women that I have known since I have truly known myself, that I have come to respect and depend on the standards that I have always associated with them, there seems to be (some are more blatant) an almost imperceptible shift in those standards. It seems that on the climb up to the pinnacle that marks half of a century, grace, pride, high standards for both themselves and those around them, confidence and classiness were implemented in spades; and, in what they now view as a dreaded descent, most of those qualities have been abandoned. Sad, really; because as I see it, if anything, the ascent was the harder part with all that load; ‘downhill’ is a breeze!
But seriously, it saddens me to see the somewhat wild-eyed and frantic actions and decisions being made by some of my otherwise classy contemporaries. And, this grasping is most noticeably directed toward the opposite sex. It appears as if some are so determined to not cross the ‘finish line’ alone, that they are willing to lean heavily on another, even more limp than they. It seems as if some of my generation have determined that this is the age where they begin to “take what they can get”. What?!
Listen, today I am not “mouthing off”; I am truly confused and saddened by what I am seeing/sensing. Maybe this has always been a part or a stage of life; but, I just got here. Interestingly also, there are those around me that seem to be in fear of my single-hood; gently pushing me toward relationship; seeming to be so afraid of my ending up alone, that “anything is better than nothing”. Again, what?! My age (or the seeming decline of same) will never factor into a decision to “hitch my wagon” to anyone! Luckily for me, I view the years I have lived and those I still hope to occupy as a testament to not only God’s grace, but one of the sexiest things I have ever done! Aging for me is something to be applauded, not dreaded! And more importantly, it is to be done chock full of all the experiences and lessons I have garnered along the way; to abandon them now will be absofuckinglutely ridiculous!
Honestly, I too think about the years ahead; I have my own set of plans for them (not to be confused with God’s; ha-ha). In my plans, there absolutely is room for a partner; but one that fits well with both whom I am and the experiences and lessons I have had. There will be no “fitting a square peg in a round hole” for me. ‘Desperation’ will never dictate who and when I date; the only ‘d’ words I will use are: desire, destiny, decency, dependability, dedication, diligence and… damn fine! At no point will I turn my back on the standard I have set for either myself or those that I allow into my space; age is supposed to bring wisdom, not continued stupidity!
But I said I was not “mouthing off”; and, I am not. I would truly like to hear what you all think about this; publicly here; or privately: firstname.lastname@example.org). I am fully aware that as we age, there are traits and behaviors that we need to leave behind – for the young (I swear… I will stop wearing those shorts soon). I agree. I just reject any suggestion, any advice, any fear, any opinion that leans in the direction that that means my grace, dignity or wisdom.