Let me start by letting you know I hate writing to you! On a day like today, like yesterday or tomorrow, I so wish that I can just pick up the phone and call. Well actually, I can…but you won’t answer. So, this, as with all the other times I speak with you with my heart, will have to do.
Happy Birthday my friend! I am not sure what celebrations are like up there in Heaven where you are; so I spoke with God – get ready for some fun! Sigh. I try so hard to be okay with this, to try and focus on all the good times we had before you left. I try to smile. But my friend, smiling through the tears is one of the hardest things I am called to do. I hate this. And, I miss you.
I remember (as do so very many of your friends), being able to depend on your not missing a birthday – or any special occasion, really. I remember being confident in the knowledge that whether right next to me or millions of miles away, that wide-ass smile of yours will let me know exactly how you felt about me. I am doing my best trying to duplicate that smile so that you to will know how I feel about you – today, yesterday, tomorrow, always.
The world has not been the same since you left; and that dreadful day when so many of our hearts were broken is fast approaching yet again. Honestly, almost four years later I am still at times reeling with this reality. I so so wish you didn’t have to go then; none of us were ready. My God… The tears…
Listen babe, today I want to wish you an amazing day – and I know that you are going to be causing some ruckus up there (you have some good company); enjoy yourself! Down here, know that so very many of us are thinking of you, sending you love, hugs, kisses… with ridiculously wide smiles. My friend, rest in peace. Please know that even as we are left to go on with our lives, all of our lives have been left with the gaping hole that bears your name. You have been an amazing friend to so many; and, I can only pray that as you look down and watch over us, we have made you proud.
The last time I saw you, you were with me celebrating my birthday. Today, I raise my glass to you, in honor of the day you were born. In this moment, I will ignore the day you were called to leave.