We have spoken about many things… have we ever addressed infidelity? Hmmmmm; we may have touched (no pun intended) on it; but I do not IMG_20150127_083215think that we have ever truly gone all up in it ;).

Let’s address this. Today is a snowy, yucky kinda day and a lot of us are off of work; but not necessarily holed up in our own homes (if you know what I mean). I daresay it’s the kind of day that a lot of naughtiness will be taking place and quite a few babies will be conceived; some may even be born ten months from today. But see, this is exactly what we need to talk about – the fact that days like today invariably manifest such fall-out and mainly because many of the parts that will get together do not belong together. #infidelity

Here’s how I feel about this: there is absolutely no justification for it. There is no excuse, no reason, no set of circumstances, never enough alcohol that will ever place my vagina near, on or over anything that does not publicly, totally and honestly belong to me. There have been and will continue to be behaviors that I will apologize and ask understanding and forgiveness for – but I can vow that the only time I will be fucking outside of my home and our bed, is when you and I are getting our freak on somewhere else… together! Period.

Over the years, I have listened to many a friend try to explain to me how “it just happened”; trying to then figure out what the hell happens next. I have listened. I have watched some otherwise wise people make messes of their relationships and lives by allowing a momentary decision to have negative permanent consequences. I have shed tears of utter frustration in solidarity with theirs of despair. I continue to ask myself why. #soveryconfused

Listen, don’t get me wrong, I do understand that some believe that human beings were not meant for monogamy; to them I say, “stay single”. I seriously have no problems with that train of thought; I even think there is some merit to it. But, what I do have a problem with, are the men and women who enter into relationship without full disclosure; deceiving their partners by omission, thereby placing both their health and heart at risk. Trust me, if all you would like from your life is a life of meaningless or un-entangled coupling, there are many many others just like you; find them.

One’s health and heart. I have been cheated on and, for me, my emotions associated with it are similar to the ‘stages’ associated with grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Truly. Think about it. But, those are the emotions of my heart. His lack of a moral compass also forced me to think about my health. You see, whether you have had protected vaginal sex or not is not the only consideration when it comes to intimacy. True intimacy dictates that you trust, surrender and allow your partner access to other areas and parts of your body that well, you can’t put a condom on. Honoring your partners before any intimacy by getting yourself tested and proudly waving your “clean bill of health” is not worth the paper it’s written on when it comes to a cheater. #unprotectedlove

Sigh. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that “life happens” and oftentimes, people find themselves in situations that no longer make them happy; they no longer work. All I am saying is that you do have a right to go after your happiness; absolutely. But, you also have the right to do it right. Always remember that the true character of a man (used in both the gender and neutral sense), is not how he behaves when times are good or easy, but when they are unpleasant or difficult. I will never advocate for remaining in an unhealthy, unhappy situation. But I always will encourage and insist that one extricates with honor – both for you and the other.

The other truly disturbing commentary about infidelity is that some (women) not only make it easy for our men to be unfaithful, but seem to believe that it validates their womanhood somehow by having another woman’s man creeping to their bed. To these misguided fools I say this:

  • Any girl can get a man to visit. Only a woman can get him to stay
  • If you keep opening your door and your body to a man who only comes to you when it’s dark, trust me, that is exactly where he will always keep you
  • Someone who truly wants you will clean up their mess and make a clear path for you. Someone who doesn’t will continue to litter that path with excuses

Listen… forget all that. Heed this well documented, tested and true statement/prediction: “What they will do for you, they will do to you…” Get wise! #karmaisthatotherwoman

So, God did not create a blizzard for (most of) us outside (this time); similarly let it pass by your homes. If you are somewhere you no longer want to be, please leave; do not stay to hurt and humiliate. Remember, as you chase after, cherish and protect the shiny new heart you now think is the one for you, one still beats in the chest of the one already there.

Alright, fuck all of that! If you can’t be good, for God’s sake then, be careful! I mean, they’re keeping us off the roads because, well, they’re dangerous and slippery when wet… #thesidebitchisnotnecessarypersonnel







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