So, as is my habit (in my quest to not only better understand my own behaviors, but that of others), I spend quite a bit of time, not only watching, but listening to and hearing those around me. I admit that in this, I am insatiable. Lately, as the realization solidified that the interpretation of behaviors is only as true (or as valid) as the person indulging in same, I became even more fascinated… and bewildered. Let’s address this with some examples before we discuss (here are the headings: Behavior: How you View Others – How you View Yourself):
- Text/call unacknowledged: Quite rude – Simply busy
- New relationship moving quickly: Desperate – The ‘real’ thing
- Someone showing up unannounced: Stalker-ish – Very sweet; show of love
- Not fulfilling a promise: Lazy; no-good; undependable – Tired; busy; overwhelmed
- Neglecting friends for partners: Stupid; needy; clingy – Soul-mates; proof of love
- Moving in together very quickly: Rent issues; stupid; needy; clingy – Prefer being together; love
- Always late for work/functions: Irresponsible; disrespectful – Traffic; baby-sitter; ‘life’
- Seems to never have money: A ‘bum’; a ‘scrub’; good-for-nothing – Payroll fucked up
- Unemployed: (Refer to above) – Over-qualified
- Hitting someone: Abusive – Jealous; because of love
…get what I mean, right? And, this list can go on and on. See, it seems that many of us go through life employing a differing barometer used to measure, validate or excuse our actions as opposed to those of others. Quite frankly, some are so damned good at it, that you can almost see the columns on their internal excel sheet, complete with the formulas – “I do this = this. You do this = that”. Sigh.
Don’t get me wrong, from a purely survival standpoint I certainly do understand why for many, viewing themselves and the actions as they relate to them through glasses that are colored rosy becomes necessary. Conversely, to convince themselves of the validity of these views, the lens used to judge the rest of the world must, by definition, be as cloudy and distorted as possible. The equation will not work any other way. So yes, I do understand. However, having knowledge of and understanding for something does not in any way mandate that agreement follows.
I read a quote once – paraphrasing it said that no matter how loudly I proclaim you to be ugly will that enhance or illuminate my own (supposed) beauty. The fact that we can all choose to move through our days or lives believing our own hype or buying into our own pr, will not make the bullshit true. My ability to condemn you for one action, while excusing or romanticizing the same action as it relates to me will not, does not make it any less or more true.
See, but my problem with this behavior is not even with the lies one chooses to tell themselves to get through their days; as far as my interest goes, please, “do you”. My dog only gets in this particular fight when one arrogantly attempts to then stand on their (quite shaky) soapbox to pontificate about the goings-on in another’s life. Because, I have found that the people that insist on and indulge in deluding themselves, absolutely need what they consider a ‘lesser’ audience to laud their delusions over. I mean, for the opposite to be obvious, there must be an opposite. Right?
So here’s where we should go with this – we all need to take off the glasses and the contacts that distort realities. We need to realize and accept that while ‘life’ is a very fluid state, our compasses for morality, decency and good judgment are not; they are absofuckinglutely stagnant! Having said that however, if we are not so evolved that we are able to acknowledge that the truth is the same for me as for you, then at the very least, we should be less demonstrative (and proud) about our delusions.