In the past week, I cannot begin to adequately quantify how much my life has changed – personally and professionally (academically, holding very steady). At first, I was resistant, pushing against the shake-up that was threatening; and, the funny thing is, I am absolutely not a woman that is afraid of what typically must happen when our worlds flex, stretch and grow. I am not afraid of change.
So, when I realized that I was tiptoeing instead of implementing my normal signature four-inched “fuck-you” strong, confident stride, I checked in with myself. I acknowledged how and what I was feeling; then I shrugged that wimpy foolishness off and… I’m back! Don’t laugh – but I absolutely attribute some/a lot of what I had been feeling to the weather. But, not in the #ofcourseitscold kinda way; that I expect and accept – it’s fucking February in New York! But, what truly has been hurting my heart is the absence of my 4″ on my commute, from the moment I step out to when I return. You see, I have always prided myself on my ability to rock the inches from door-to-door; scoffing at the ‘pussies’ that needed to carry theirs in their bags to then change into their, ahem, 2 ½ inches at their desks! Now, because of the (legal) white-powder, I have become one of those women; and, I am being very serious – my inability to immediately strut my way through my day from the moment I step outside has affected my mood and my confidence.
But like I said, “I am back”! This weekend I begin a new chapter in life; and, I am looking forward to it! I have decided what will come with me on this new journey; and more importantly, what I will leave behind. I have made my peace. I have shed some tears and with that, some pounds. I have shrugged off the dead-weight that many times we are unaware we are carrying around – simply having gotten so very used to its presence. I admit to feeling ‘naked’, but free.
So this morning, I would like to encourage everyone who is sitting in the middle of the process that comprises a major decision, to make your lists, check them twice (or thrice), but when you’re finished being diligent and prudent, step out on faith – in yourself and your God. Trust your process and, trust all that you have lived that has brought you to this moment – both the wonderful and the hurtful. Take every bit of your experiences, replicate the processes that resulted in the successful moments and, scrutinize those moments that hurt and that looked like failure and use them as your examples… to either do differently or better. See, a ‘failure’ is only so if you never gain anything from it; but if you do – a lesson or an insight – then all that was was an invaluable “how-to” guide!
Listen, wish me luck. Know that I am rooting for you all as well! Let’s push through and shake this world up together; trust me, it’s why we’re here! Walk hard and strong; don’t leave any wimpy footsteps! Make your mark. Do not let anyone’s treatment or opinions of you define you; never give anyone that amount of sway over your life. One of the most fantastic things about being alive? The right to take a fucking permanent marker and leave your name all over life! Stop letting things happen to you; you happen to it!
Whew! Okay. New chapter about to start. I will not say “goodbye”, but “thank you” to the old – you’ve made me one hell of a determined woman!