Let’s talk parenting – and more specifically, parenting after a break-up (by now yall know I watch a lot of Judge Judy, so I get quite a bit of free legal expertise just by DVR’ing the show). But me aside, what I do also get to realize is the amount of angst and discord – okay, let’s call it what it is – the amount of nastiness that often happens when two people who once liked each other enough to share bodily fluids (and with the heterosexual ones, raw), no longer can stand even the sight of each other! And, what that does to the children.
What is also very prevalent in these situations is the arrogance and vindictiveness of mothers who erroneously believe that because they carried and pushed out the babies, that makes them “more of a parent” than their male counterparts. To that I say, “get over your damn selves!” Now that I have gotten that out, let’s do this… let’s address this.
The first thing I would say about a life with children after a break-up is this (and I echo JJ’s sentiment), “you have to love your children more than you hate each other”. Truly. So often (and typically by women who consider themselves ‘good mothers”) while navigating the terrain after an acrimonious separation, women opt for the side of vindictiveness; and that usually means using the children as a means to control the now ex-partner. Ridiculous! Ladies, the ONLY time a man should be barred from seeing his children and being a part of their lives is if he is an abusive parent and it has been established (and corroborated by someone other than your vindictive ass) that his presence in their lives is physically or emotionally detrimental to them. Period! A man, a partner should not be barred from his children because he cheated on you, pissed you off or (and yes I am shouting this) even if he does not pay child support! A partner’s right to be a part of his/her children’s lives is NOT dependent on money! Go get a child support order, that you are absolutely entitled to; but keep that separate from the relationship between parent and child!
And yes, I am directing this straight at you ladies; some of yall are fucking up! You are letting your anger and bitterness and your mistaken sense of parental superiority (because your womb housed a human for a few months and your vagina expanded to let him/her out) interfere with what is in your child’s best interest! Some of you are letting your egos dictate your actions – because you were discarded does not necessarily translate to your children being discarded; this particular break-up was not intended to be a packaged deal! Stop!
It really saddens me, because there are so many dead-beat parents out here (yes, male and female), that when a parent, especially a man, is present and committed to his children and being undermined and blocked by a childish, vindictive and scorned other parent, “a shame” does not begin to cover that injustice. As a matter of fact, I believe that a parent, a woman who stands between a man and his children with no valid reason, but out of pure malice, should be charged with child abuse! Seriously! To rob a child of another parent’s love and protection, to deny them their fundamental right to that parental security and dedication should be punishable by law!
Let me try to calm down and get through this…. Children are people; they should never be treated as pawns in anyone’s quest at manipulation. They are entitled to safety, love, security, stability, food, education, peace, shelter and enough room and encouragement to dream, hope and grow. For some of this, financial input is necessary. For much of it, love will do just fine. At the end of a break-up, please try to not have one be the casualty of the other; recognize that food and love are equally as important. The government can make a parent pay for his/her child; but there is not a government ever constructed that can make someone love one. So ladies, don’t be stupid… if a man/partner is showing up to love your child long after he/she has stopped loving you, step aside, open the door wide and let them in. A vagina does not qualify you as being the better parent or the one with more “rights”, a level head and a non-vindictive heart does!
“Always parent in your child’s best interest, even if it bruises your ego…”