“Do You Believe In Life After Love?” Oops, I Meant, “… After Lies?”

Let’s address this. I have told yall that by the time I’m done with school (yes, in the year 201million), I will have been taught the language, theories, ethics, diagnoses and myriad treatments affiliated with my specialty. However, I do not believe that there will be a professor in any classroom that will be able to teach me any more than the (almost free) education I am getting in the streets. I say, “almost free”, because, well, ain’t shit truly “free” in this world – one way or the other, we are always called to pay.

So while I wait for all the structured education, I am constantly shaking my head at the veritable messiness that is the human being. Truly. Okay… I have friends, sisters, parents, a daughter, acquaintances, colleagues, relatives, bosses… wait, maybe should refer to them as employers – I have NO boss! And, lovers. Some of them have risen to the surface and I have referred to them as boyfriends/girlfriends/partners and others, for one reason or the other, I eventually settled on “lover” (but to be quite honest, in my treatment there is very little (aka, none) difference between the two). Moving on…

Let me be completely transparent here – I’m about to share with you the type of woman I am – all in the best interest of this here story. Here we go. I know you all feel quite special thinking that the honesty I show here is uniquely yours. Well, sorry to disappoint – I am this woman everywhere. I believe (and live my life) that if you are going to have conversations, share time, take up space and especially involve your heart, there is no other way but with complete transparency and honesty. Anything else is a complete and utter waste of both your and the recipient’s time.

So, I am honest. I am direct. I am without guile. I talk quite a lot (as you know), but I pride myself on only saying the things I can back the fuck up! I consider my time incredibly precious and treat yours the same. I am saying all this to say – despite my vulnerability (because make no mistake, exposing yourself leaves your ass bare bare bare bare!), in spite of all my encouragement to be the same, my assurances that I truly am one of those women that, even as I may not always like your truth, I certainly always prefer it, I still come across people that insist on trying to sell me their very lame bill of goods. Sigh.

Listen, as I get better educated I am becoming more aware and accepting of the psychological problems many experience. My understanding and sympathies are being reserved for those amongst us that, through no fault of their own, are burdened with illnesses that affect, limit and conflict with their abilities to do better; to be better. But, for the life of me I cannot begin to work up any tolerance for the seemingly normal and healthy human beings who, because of an emotional or moral malaise of their own making, attempt to dress up their foolishness as anything but what it is. I am rendered incredulous by the humans who allow themselves permission to behave badly, immorally, disrespectfully, dishonorably… in the name of some misguided sense of self entitlement.

Yes, human behavior will be my area of study and practice. I am constantly examining both mine and yours. I started this pointing at myself – giving you the truth about how I interact (and, this can be corroborated by re-reading my last 200 posts), trying to understand how/why anyone would meet honesty and clarity with deception and confusion. As I watch the antics of some around me and some of those circling my friends, I cannot help but to shake my head in wonder. Sometimes I wish I had a more public/far reaching forum so I can touch more people and encourage better behaviors; because sometimes I despair at the state of mankind.

(This paragraph was a totally different one that I thought better than to leave in. Sometimes, simply “changing the names to protect the innocent” is not enough; sometimes, you just need to leave it out altogether). So, new paragraph content. ____________ I live for the time in life where men are raised to behave like “men” – in their conversations, their actions, their commitments, their sense of morality and their convictions. And, I similarly pray for the life where women carry themselves and behave as ladies; becoming the more feminine, weak-but-strong mirrored image to their men. Period. And, no matter how fed up I am (and I am), I will not abandon these hopes and prayers. I will also never allow someone else’s marginal behavior to cause me to stop living, speaking and loving in my honest, transparent, all-encompassing way!

Think about how foolish people are when they get hurt or cheated by someone and you hear them say something like, “I’ll never trust anyone again.” Think about how incredibly stupid it is to allow someone of lesser/marginal character dictate your future quality of life and possibility of and entitlement to happiness. How is someone who is not worthy of you allowed to define you?!? Why would you remove yourself from a destructive or toxic situation or person, yet continue to hold on to the negative effects of that interaction? As far as I am concerned, only the people living honorably should be allowed to shift you enough that it may affect your future behavior. For the rest, turn your back, pull down your skirt (you men, re-adjust your junk), throw back your shoulders and continue walking into your future… without a stumble J

My father told me once, “You have no control over how people treat you. But, you do have absolute control over how you react to them…” So true. Listen, I am not saying navigating our interactions with each other will (always) be easy, or that relegating someone to the “junk” pile where they may belong will be one-two-three; not at all. Coming to the realization that someone possesses less than you credited them with can be a heartbreaking reality; walking away often difficult. What I am advocating for is opting to refuse to accept mediocrity – from yourself and for yourself. Start setting standards and more importantly, lead by example! If you desire honesty – be honest. Transparency at the top of your list? Remove your own veils and turn your back on secrecy (it’s one step away from lies). Loyalty a priority? Stand true and firm in your own convictions – especially the one that mandates you do not accept anyone (employer, friend, parent or partner) that is morally or ethically bankrupt.

Shit, I’m done. Thanks for reading this whole damn thing. Have a fantastic day! (Pulling down my skirt (‘cause you know it’s short-short), shoulders are back and strutting my ass…)

One response to “Do You Believe In Life After Love?” Oops, I Meant, “… After Lies?”

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