The Blame Game

Yesterday I overheard three women having a conversation… about parenting. I tuned it out as so much background noise until one particular topic broke through my haze – one was speaking about a friend who lost a child. And, supposedly it was the so-called, “favorite child’. The part that perked me up was the immediate chiming in of one of the other women who vehemently announced, “see, that I why I don’t have a “favorite child”! When you single out one of your children like that, that is the one God will take away! A mother is not supposed to have a favorite!” I was hooked.

Let’s address this. First, and to me the more important, is, why do so many people insist on including/blaming God for everything? Don’t get me wrong, I am a big fan of His, but, I am also quite aware that our actions and our free will translate to our having to leave Him out of some of our foolishness and accepting the responsibility for same. In no way am I saying that the loss of a child is “foolishness” or necessarily our responsibility, but what I am saying is that sometimes, sadly, inexplicably… things happen. Life and death happen.

Next, let’s say she was right – let’s say I agree with her that God is involved in everything – then, I will have to concede that He is one son-of-a-bitch! Truly. If she’s right, then God will have to be one of the biggest assholes ever, to take a child’s life simply because his mother favors him above her other children! Really?!? With that theory, we should all givethefuckup now… there is absolutely no point in moving on in this life with any hope or optimism – God is a vindictive, malicious bastard that simply sits around waiting for us to show too much interest in something or someone, to take it away or kill it! Sigh…

He is not. I do agree that at times, many times, such atrocities and heartbreak happen and it can make you wonder, “if there is a God, where the hell was He?!” I have asked that question. But, even as I have cried out in pain and anger, I have also always come back to the reality of humanity and the acceptance of evolution. Shit… the acceptance of revolution. As a humanity we seem to want to accept the credit when things go well, but shrug off any acceptance when they go badly. Good is always “I”, bad always “He”. I read a fantastically accurate quote once that said, “If you’re not willing to thank God for every smile, then do not blame Him for every tear…” Truth.

But, this is not about God; that man can fight His own battles J This is about that conversation I eavesdropped on yesterday. I shuddered as a mother at the mere thought of out-living my child… my God! No matter how many times I hear a recounting of a child lost does it ever lose its unnaturalness and punch-in-the-gut moment of absolute terror! So, I ache for the mother in that story I heard. But I will say this – God did not take her child away because she supposedly loved him/her better; that is ludicrous! As a matter of fact, I think the only time God should step in in a parenting relationship is for the exact opposite reason – when a parent loves a child so little that he is being abused. Then, I think God should spare the child and kill the parent! But, I digress…

Listen, I have already pointed out in other instances how smart I think I am, Hahaha. No, for real 😉 See, I stopped at one. After she was born, I knew I could not do better (or cuter) so I just gave up. I realized it would indeed to unfair to the next child to have to live up to that first one – so I did us all a favor and quit while I was so wonderfully and blessedly ahead J Smart right? I can play all the ‘favorites’ I want, there is no one else to complain or feel inferior. Ha!

There are many things that happen in life that defy understanding; so many happenings that make us question ourselves, others and either our belief in God or if there is a God. Absolutely. And, there is no shame in questioning; in fact, you should question. Only with asking and getting some answers do we arrive at the next step forward. Admittedly, there are things that we may leave this life still not understanding; with wounds that have not healed. And for those, I am sorry. But life is delicious. If you can find a way to, in the midst of pain and disappointment, value the opportunity to continue on, then, even as you are forced to survive heartache, there is still opportunity – for healing, loving and joy.

I don’t believe God took that baby away. But I am certain He is now holding him in His arms…

 

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