So….. Do you want to get married? Not to me, dummy; to him or her? Are you what some consider the “marrying kind?” Or better yet ladies are you what is considered, “wifey” material? Ha-ha.
I can (and often) make fun of this entire marriage-business; mainly because, well, I have done it and, it is a joke! But aside from that, I poke fun at it because I have found that it is infinitely more polite to ridicule the institution as opposed to those institutionalized. Ha-ha. Okay… let’s address this.
Do I truly consider the institution of marriage a joke? Not always; but definitely at times. And, the reason I do is similar to the reason I consider life a great big laughing matter sometimes (well, most times!) – and that is, because, well, we human beings are fucking hilarious! Truly! I laugh at how many ways we cultivate to fantastically screw up our lives! And, marriage is at times, one of the dooziest! Listen, I have tried it (marriage) and, while there were definitely moments I thoroughly enjoyed, I admit that I enjoyed the ceremony (okay… ies – don’t judge) more than I did the actual day-to-day of the business J Yup. If it were up to me, I would get married every year or so; the being married part? Ummmm, can a woman buy a surrogate?
I am willing to concede however that that was more than likely, “operator error”; neither party had any business indulging in that business! So, I will not knock the institution as a whole. But, I will say this – before we all get caught up in the rhetoric that spouts – (1) snagging a victim… oops, I meant a man… snagging a man is the yardstick that will be implemented to gauge our worthiness as women, or (2) at/by a certain age if either a man or a woman is not married or solidly on that rose-petal’d path, something must absolutely be wrong with either, or, heaven forbid, (3) you had been married and now, you weren’t even good enough/respectable enough to have your spouse die… you’re (whispered) divorced! Scandalous! – Yes, before we indulge in or allow anyone to involve us in their indulgence of any/all of these, we all should take a long, hard, up-close, honest, no-frills look at ourselves and determine a number of things: (1) do you even want to fucking get married? Or, are you breaking under the societal judgmental weight of viewing yourself? (2) If you did decide that was (part of) your long-term plan for yourself, do you know what kind of wife/husband/partner you would like to or could be? Have you checked your damn self for long-term-relationship-marriage-partnership worthiness? You should. And, here’s another thing, (3) Do you have any idea or clue what you would like or need in a long-term mate? Or, do you plan to just cross your fingers, take what you can get, say “yes” and then figure out, once you have trapped the poor sap, how you then shape and mold him/her into something resembling a decent mate? Shame.
This is why I laugh. So many of life’s #cannotbegintoexplainhowimportant decisions we leave to chance and subject to our foolish whims. I swear, I think many times we spend more time figuring what to wear or eat than we do whom to have unprotected sex with or to commit ourselves to for what should be “forever.” We seem at times to magnify the trivial and minimize the significant. Sigh. So, “do you want to get married?” I strongly suggest that before you say “yes” (do not get caught up in that romantic moment of proposal and well, the amount of carats offered), you dedicate some serious thought to your life – your plans and the path that will best get you there.
The divorce rate is high; this marriage-business is no joke! It is no longer what or how it was when our parents and grandparents did it; when they honored their commitments… no matter what. These days, there are too many distractions – cable, internet, Smart phones – numerous ways that ensure we are never disconnected from those outside of our homes. Access has crept into our lives and made us dependants – we barely look up anymore, forget looking across. No longer do we need to leave our homes – or even our countries to go looking for trouble – all we need to do is “click” or “swipe”. The floozies may be virtual, but the infidelity is still very real!
So, think about what kind of life you would like… and then be honest and follow-through with regard to the steps that either take you in that direction or recognize and acknowledge the ones that take you away (from them). I actually consider it quite honorable if someone decides that marriage (or any kind of long-term commitment) is not for them, opting instead to remain single or chronically, honestly un-seriously attached. I commend anyone who plans a life that prioritizes their career over a family. I applaud the courage and honesty to say, “That is not for me”. My only point is this – for those who understand the meaning and commitment of a union such as marriage and who enter into same with a willing head and heart, cognizant of what is required of them and confident that their partner knows and feels the same – good for you! “Say ‘yes’ to that dress” yall! For those others however, if you’re neither ready then or suspect you will never be, please do not become susceptible to either societal, familial or peer pressure. Because the ironic truth to that matter is, after you have both (stupidly) signed that marriage certificate, everyone else disappears and, very much like giving birth to an ugly baby…. you are required to take him/her home. Hahahaha.
The sanctity of marriage is a serious one; and one that, despite my and some of my friends’ experiences, I do admire and think I may even give another ‘twirl’ to 😉 The truth is for me, I am a “commitment” kinda woman; so, staying true to and honoring my partner (oftentimes because of whom I am and not because of whom they are) is extremely easy for me to live. As a matter of fact, I believe saying “no” to others who may approach me while I am in-relationship is one of the sexiest moments J Additionally, I consider myself way to “fly” to be a cow; so ain’t nobody getting this one (not even the “milk”) for free! Ha-ha. I now understand what is required of me in-relationship; I now know (and like) who I am and even more than knowing what I deserve, I know what I don’t. I understand that relationships are mirrors and, when I stand in front of one saying, “I’m ready” I will get the reflection of what I present. Most importantly however, I am now willing to, in this relationship, experience the ultimate in threesomes – God, him and me; I’m going to battle with all my ammunition! So yes watch, yall can expect a marriage announcement
Listen, I am a humongous fan of that “free will” business. But, I am also one for exercising common sense in all that we do and, taking our consequences “like a man.” Just think. Be true to yourself first and then factor in any/everyone else. Men, finding a substitute mother for either yourself or your other babies’ mothers children is no reason to make (yet another) lifetime decision. Because she’s “hot” is certainly not it either; because trust this lady… “hot” gets real cold in the face of struggles, strife and real life! You ladies – don’t take this “size matters” business too far! Saying “yes” should absofuckinglutely not be determined by either the size of his dick, bank account or the ring!
They’re three letters, two words that carry the weight of commitment, love, wisdom, morality, fidelity, patience, care, understanding, companionship, strength, womanhood, manhood and parenthood… figure out if you’re using them wisely and can back them up. I know I do J