There is probably not a conversation I can interest you in today that will usurp Caitlyn Jenner’s (rightful) place at the very top of the trending boards; not even gonna try to compete with that lady! Quite frankly, in this I am quite content to step aside (for a while) and let this newly arrived bad-ass-bitch take her stilettos out for a strut! Mad respect! … But, that in no way means that I shut completely up, now; that would just be unnatural. So, while Ms. Jenner is holding court over there, let’s do our thing here. People, let’s address this.
I know some of you think I talk quite a lot; and, I am positive that sometimes when you scroll, scroll some more and more and there is still some more to my posts, you may have to put the shit away and tell yourselves, “I’ll deal with this bitch later!” Ha-ha. I know. Well today I am here to stand up for myself! I am about to defend what may seem as my wordiness! You see, it’s not that I talk a lot… I just spell out every single word and have the damned nerve to then punctuate the shit too! Don’t laugh, it’s true! I acknowledge that if I were to indulge in text-speak (or even Ebonics), my posts would take up exponentially so much less of our time! I get it. But, I have had to weigh the amount of time you invest against both my upbringing and my verbal integrity. Sorry, time lost that battle.
In all seriousness (because the English language is serious business to me!), I cannot begin to express to you all the level of my aversion to any communication that flaunts either (1) the sender’s blatant disregard for either their or my level of education, (2) the sender’s lack of respect for the reader’s/my age or maturity, or (3) the glaring evidence of the sender’s intellectual laziness! I absolutely take it as a personal affront any time I receive a text/any communication that contains, ‘u’, ‘ur’, ‘np’ or the like. Shit! I also cannot stand those that do not punctuate! Haven’t people realized yet that “tone” can be communicated even via text; so the placement or lack thereof of punctuation matters greatly? But aside from that, does it truly take that much more of your precious time to capitalize letters and put in a damn comma?! Does adding its siblings, ‘yo’ to ‘u’’ truly infringe so greatly on time in your life you’ll never get back?!
You know what disturbs… okay, pisses me off the most about this written-laziness? The lack of respect it shows to the recipient! Truly! If I do not take the time to ensure that you will not have to invest too many mental maneuvers to decode what the fuck I have said simply because of my laziness, not only am I wasting our time, but I am also in fact flipping you off as well! I mean, sending you dressed-down vocabulary and punctuation is tantamount to your inviting me to an important client-dinner and my flaunting my utter disregard for both you and them by showing up in sweats… (shhhhhhhhhhh… and sneakers!) Wow!
So not only are we abbreviating anything we can, but we have taken it as far as using said lazy-speak in otherwise quite important communications. I have actually seen people respond to a notice of death with, “my condolences to u and ur family”. What the fuck is that?! Goodness gracious! Please, I am begging…. let’s do not continue to carry on being a people that no longer see the need to rise to any occasion. Listen, sweat pants are quite appropriate in many places; in others, let’s take out our grown-up slacks (you know, the ones without the string in the waist, not made of velour and that do not have “Juicy” written in script across UR ass!) – and challenge ourselves to remember to be situation-appropriate. Let’s stop accepting the show of laziness – verbal, written or otherwise that some try to pass off and demand that they get verbally dressed-up for us!
Yes, I talk a lot; but in my defense, not only do I have a lot to say, I respect you enough to fully spell, enunciate and punctuate – those things add to the word count J We can make a deal with this – you start fully spelling your words (well, certainly when communicating with me) and I will stop cursing. Sike! That is soooooooooooo not going to happen! But here’s the thing – I absofuckinglutely know when I can do so and more importantly when I can/should not. Not only that, I am proud to state that even when I do curse, I never short-change you – I will never insult you with, “WTF!”; nope, you deserve it all from me – “What The Fuck!” Ha-ha.
Listen, don’t be lazy. But, if you manage to convince yourselves that at times it is okay, choose those occasions with some care. I mean, “I love u” will never carry as much sincerity and respect as, “I love you”. Seriously, if you can’t even take the time to honor someone enough to type those two other stinking letters, should they have any confidence in your taking the time to, well… 😉