Getting A New Lease… On Life.

So, I am apartment-hunting. The Spring semester is over (yes, I did quite well; thank you) and I have made it a goal to be in my next home long before the Fall semester begins (and before my sister-friends get tired of me rearranging their home). I have found an apartment that I like very very much, but naturally there is a story; so, let’s address this.

First, let me begin by stating how incredibly grateful I am to my barring-a-small-detail-like-blood ‘sister’ Dez and her partner Cyn for taking my stressed and sad ass in at the beginning of March after my landlords sold the home I had been living in. With all the words I have and my ability to articulate, I am still unable to adequately express how much being safe, warm and welcomed these last three months in their home have done for my soul. There has been toooooooooooo much laughter, great food, conversations and, Lord help me, beer! And, waking up every day to my almost two-year old godson, Elijah has tickled me plenty. I think the only person who will be happy when I move is my boss – because hopefully I will resume being on time for work when I no longer wake up and play peek-a-boo, have a dance-a-thon and whatever else his little heart desires J This time with them has saved my sanity and gotten me spectacularly through the last bit of the semester.

But, it is time to go. I pride myself on always leaving while still wanted J I feel that when one leaves any situation, there should be tears, not sighs of relief. So, as the semester ended, I kicked the hunt into gear, calling in my real estate agents and tried to light a fire of urgency. When that just seemed to limp along, I resorted to what I do best – I relied on myself and started my own search; and, I think I may have found my next home! But, until I sign the lease, I will refrain from going into any more detail; this here post is about addressing the very frustrating process that is apartment/home-hunting.

What the fuck?!? First, I will state that I am confused at what is considered “the best time to rent.” I mean, isn’t the “best time to rent” anytime someone needs a damned home? Because quite frankly right now is my, “best time to rent!” It’s interesting to me that the ease or difficulty in finding a home is determined by the season… oh, as is the rent! It seems as if this time of the year, summer (well, ish) is not recommended to be looking as the city is flooded with college and grad students; ergo, a lot of backpack carriers needing a place to wash our asses. I get that (sorta). But who the hell wants to be moving not only when it’s cold, but when classes are back in session? “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” And here we go – because demand is so high, so too are the rents. Sigh. Then, if you are fortunate enough to snag you one of the limited (very good) apartments, the truly frustrating process begins.

Listen – I understand from a landlord-perspective there are quite a few worse-case-scenarios that can and do occur with tenants. Supposedly the laws are pro-tenant and I recognize that many tenants take full advantage of that fact. Trust me I know there are some very unethical people in this world. Having said that, I would like to think that I present better than that. Quite frankly I pride myself on the fact that I carry myself in a way that should be interpreted as classy – a trait that I have always assumed will not only separate me from those that aim to lie and cheat, but that will also open closed doors and pave the way for me to achieve my goals. But, it seems in the world of apartment-hunting my well-spoken, classy, employed, well-dressed and articulate behind will get shown all the best apartments, but at the end of the day, I will be vetted as vigorously as those, well…

So, I have been put through the paces in my attempt to get the one and only apartment I have looked at. I walked in and just knew it should be mine. But like a perspective lover, the owners are testing me to see just how much I desire it; whew! It has gotten to the point where yesterday I told them that I finally understand when men have complained that their women can never be satisfied – as I submit and pass every request: stellar credit, job letter, bank statement, exemplary references, pay stubs, past landlord reference – they have come up with yet another version of asking for the same information! What the hell?! I swear I am left to wonder, “Is it them or me?” I admit that I might be a tad spoilt and am both unused to having to provide all this information and smarting that I am being asked to so substantiate myself!

Isn’t it just ironic and unfortunate how the actions of some have such far-reaching effects on others? Even others they have never met? I understand why I am being put through this process; but god dam! I admit that I was/am hoping the way I comported myself would have heavily contributed to the application-process I needed for this; but, I concede that that is as stupid as our looking at someone, having unprotected sex with them because, well, “they don’t look as if they have a STD.” So I get it. I just wish that, as with so many other realities, “Peter” wasn’t called to pay for “Paul.”

Well, I will go through this very humbling experience; trusting at the end I will have achieved what I am after. But I vow this home will be the last I will rent in New York City. This experience has caused me to formulate and set in motion a plan to own my own home and, I even have a time-line. Quite frankly, it is not solely the astronomical rents landlords are asking, it is also the process one has to go through for the honor of paying the astronomical rents that I am rejecting! Shit! At one point in this process I wanted to send my perspective landlords a questionnaire to determine whether they were qualified to be my landlords!

Okay, by the grace of all that is good in this universe I will get the home I have my eyes on. If not, I am confident it will be the next. So, stay tuned for the home-heating (“warming” is too lukewarm for me) invitation… and don’t forget my damn gift!





One response to Getting A New Lease… On Life.

  1. Dez

    All I’m gonna say Sis is that we’re gonna miss you…..Elijah will look into your room and say “DD”???? Ok enough guilt


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