I’ve moved. And, my new home is peaceful, comfortable and incredibly beautiful. My need for law and order was in overdrive on Sunday when I moved… so twelve hours after the movers left, I was fully settled in – every box, bag and crate unpacked and set perfectly so. Then, I went to bed in incredible pain… but incredibly happy J
So, that business in the past, here we go. How are you all? I have certainly been thinking of you, yes you, every single day that I have been focused on not only handling that bit of business, but more importantly for a couple of days, I was also pulling double-duty as “Mommy.” Yep, she flew in for literally forty-eight hours, so…
Like I said, I have been thinking about you all and more specifically, the world outside of my immediate focus. Some of what has been happening has penetrated but I am certain I have missed many things (so feel free to get in touch and clue me in so I can address it). In the meantime however, I would like to spend some time this morning chatting about that word with a lot of vowels and that packs quite the knockout punch to so very many relationships – loverships, partnerships, friendships, parent/child and employer/employee – expectation. So, don’t expect too much, but, let’s address this J
I will start by admitting that I am indeed a woman that sets the bar (according to some… okay, many) kinda’ high. Yep. But two things – that bar is high for you as well as for me. In fact, when I give it thought I realize that my expectations for, from myself will always out distance and out hurdle what I ever expect from others. I pride myself on pushing myself to always achieve what others expect… and then I add a bit more, just ‘cause. Make no mistake however, that “just ‘cause” is chock full of pride and my full knowledge and understanding of who I am and what I know I am capable of – being and giving. And quite frankly, I find mediocrity both boring and insulting.
So yes, when it comes to those around me, even as I lower my expectation-bar a bit, I will never outright discard it. There is no reason why any one, any of us should ever move through this life not expecting and fuck it, demanding that those we invite into our spaces, whether mental or physical, should be allowed there without full knowledge of our boundaries and our expectations.
But, I have come to realize that that little, much-vowel’d word has quite the negative connotation and has through no fault of its own, earned quite the (bad) reputation. It has come to my attention that it has become that word that many fling around in anger and as some sort of shield designed to deflect their short-comings. This little word that packs so much punch has become, just as that word “fuck” a word that many now use outside of its intended context and have certainly erased its beauty. Just like the word “fuck” – intended I feel to denote the raw, nasty, animalistic and unbridled beauty in a consensual sexual act, not to dishonor or disrespect – the word “expectation” to has become a bad word. In many ways it is being used to negate one’s absolute right to certain treatments and behaviors by another who is either unwilling or unable to deliver same.
But, let me not be remiss in making this distinction – I am absolutely not speaking about the vaulted, unrealistic, undeserved or disillusioned expectations some on this earth walk around with; certainly not that, “this world owes me something” bullshit! No, I am speaking about your and my absolute right to expect that (unless our behaviors make it otherwise), we are treated fairly, respectfully, lovingly and justly. Go ahead and expect… shit, demand that for yourselves! Defuckingmand (see that is not the way “fucking” should be done; ha-ha) that anyone, absolutely everyone you interact with gets the best from you and similarly gives their best to you.
I expect things. I do. I go through this life demanding that the people I work with deliver what they are getting paid for. I expect and demand that those who profess to love me reflect those words in actions (or I remove them from my life). I expect that strangers respect my personal space. I expect bad people to be bad. And, I expect that I give more to this world that I get. I expect, every morning that I wake, to get up and put out some good shit. I refuse to accept any half-assed shit – from either of us.
Listen, without expectations we run the risk of constant abject failure and repetitive mediocrity. We settle. Without it, we are reminiscent of the hamster – cute, soft and spinning our wheels, going nowhere. Don’t allow anyone to convince you that it is a “bad word” and that you are unreasonable and undeserving of having any. Recognize that as their immaturity and shortcoming. Check this out… with expectations we invariably cost ourselves less – stress, disappointment, heartache – in the long run. And, aren’t we all here for the long run?