A long time ago I read somewhere (and I will paraphrase) that the worse thing a man can do to a woman, is to leave her alone and let her realize she can live without him. Now clearly that is not “the worse thing” that can be done – Lord knows we all know of or have experienced some of the atrocities that mankind can render. But, I certainly understand what the expresser of that statement meant to communicate. Men, let’s address this…
For many women, when we believe we have found a “good one,” a good man, if we are a woman worth our weight in common sense, we cherish, uplift, nurture, support (emotionally, that is), honor, respect and well, use our bodies to express just what the fuck you mean to us. Yep 😉 That’s what we do. From my observations, I have noticed that for your part, you provide us with the strength of your physical selves, jump through hoops to prove you can lift, fix or carry anything (including us at times), stimulate with your humor and intellect and yes, well, use your bodies to express just what the fuck we mean to you. We each have our roles and if well played, there is nothing more beautiful.
Sadly however, we are all quite aware of the divorce rate. And for those who were smart enough to not even walk down that road (literally and figuratively), the dissolution of union is still quite prevalent. But here’s where we get to the nitty-gritty… more often than not our men are the first to develop the need or the itch to leave. And, if that decision was to be executed by the fairer sex, I am confident enough to bet the locs on my daughter’s head that it was as a result of something you did! Hahaha. But see, regardless of the why, the reality remains that everyone is now forced to deal with “life after love,” to create a new-normal for themselves. And, depending of the depth of the relationship that has been lost, adjusting to the new reality can be at once scary and incredibly daunting.
But, isn’t it just mind-blowing how we survive?! How the situations that seem so insurmountable at times just require time and the remembering of one’s individual strength? Speaking for myself, I do not love easily; but when I do my intention is always, always to make my partner feel as if my world, the world has been created solely for them. I wake up and after thanking God, I give it up to them, even at times relinquishing my ability to their strength. The problem with that (I know right… can there be a problem with that?) is that once the relationship is over, the dependency that has been created can make one feel like a jonesing crack-head! Because somewhere along the line while everyone was loving you kinda forgot that you are indeed capable of taking care of yourself. Yes… you can lift that damned box! I read this amazing quote, “A real woman can take care of herself. But a real man won’t let her…” I know, right?!?
So it’s over and you figure it out; you have to. Eventually you revert to life before love and you reinstate all the bits and pieces of you that caught their attention in the first place. You figure out where and how to get your ass to the grocery store and, you log all the bags yourself. You lift air condition units and couches. In the winter, well, you snow and go… what choices do you have? You stop looking for the one that helped and you help your damn self! In the space that was given, that was left after the break-up, you are forced to dig deep and pull out your strength, your resourcefulness and the absolute dependence on, guess who? You.
Men, if you love your women, stop giving them the room to realize you are indeed not Superman. When you leave, have a very clear intention – if staying away, take your tools with you. But for those of you who walk away and leave your tools behind thinking you’ll be back later for them (yeah, cause you got it like that!), you may get your feelings hurt when you realize that not only was she forced to move them, but in picking them up, she learned how to use them herself.
Men, a woman who loves you is the best asset, accessory, gadget, portfolio, friend, champion a man can have. Take her with you…