Listen, just in case for you the more important part is what I wore, I got you. Check out the pics of the dresses – the baby-doll was worn to my cousin Andy’s wedding in Atlanta on Saturday and the little black cocktail sequined-disc’d number was worn to Lisa and Tony’s 10th anniversary renewal of vows in New Jersey yesterday. Two absolutely beautiful events and, I continue to be honored I was a part of (both of) their celebrations of and dedications to love.
So if yall fashion-people are now satisfied, let’s move on to what else (beside my legs) was revealed over this past weekend. During the cocktail hour at my cousin’s weeding, while innocently chugging on my Corona and nibbling on some fancy cheeses and crackers with fruit, an aunt (my father’s sister) looks off into the distance and exclaims, “Oh look… there’s ______’s sister!” I follow her gaze primarily because, well, ______ has no sister I have ever heard of; and I’ve been around here for a while now!
Family secrets, when revealed can be mind-blowing, devastating, the stuff of The Twilight Zone and, at this particular stage of my life and with this particular family of mine, quite hilarious. Yes, I laughed and, I am still fucking laughing! If yall knew the ridiculous amount of “family” that has been revealed and announced to us over the past years as adults, you too will laugh (just before you go get a DNA check to see if you may be one!). Truth. For some reason (okay, simply because my paternal grandfather was a right male-whore), as we meander through life, relatives are being introduced.
What adds to the incongruity, is the blasé way in which that side of the family sees fit to let us know that indeed there is yet another person we are to address as, “Auntie,” “Uncle,’ or accept as a cousin. I shake my head often wondering whether they ever stop to process what these pronouncements could be doing to our generation; the effect on our sense of self and familial security. Most times however, I sigh knowing I come from a lineage of arrogant and spoiled folks who treat the world as if it should adjust to them; as though they were here first and the world? Well, that God created solely for them so they would have somewhere cool to live (and procreate… clearly!). Ha-ha.
But, taking my proverbial tongue out of my cheek, I truly am awed and floored at the choices human beings, supposedly stitched together by blood that looks and tastes the same because of its particular recipe, make for themselves and each other. I am angered by the keeping of (not small) secrets, but more so at the eventual revelation of same! My thinking is simple – if you have elected to keep your mouth shut for so very many significant years of my life, then go to your damn grave still keeping it shut! Because for me, if a secret would eventually be revealed, then let that “eventually” be as soon as I stop giggling about boys. Okay wait… I still giggle about boys J You know what I mean though, right? If something is a secret, then keep it as such; don’t, for instance, stand in the middle of an important occasion that is steeped in innocence and beauty (I mean for fuck sake… the brides wear white, even though we all know…) and tarnish it with news that can potentially be life-altering! Actually, no “potentially” about that – by its very definition, learning there is/has been all along another member to your family is life-altering – instead of the hundreds of you you always thought there were, you now realize there are hundreds, plus one. Wow!
Goodness gracious me! As an adult I have been told about or introduced to some new members of my family (and no, they have not been new-borns) and I have decided to treat it all as one very big joke! I have elected, for my sanity’s sake, to, for the most part quickly revert to the moment and person I was in the ten minutes prior to being told. I rationalize that if I have gotten to this place and stage without the knowledge they have existed, I can continue on without their physical presence within my very tight, well-vetted and guarded circle. Quite frankly all the information does is remind me to be very careful who I choose to get physically intimate with… I would hate to find out after the fact that my particular brand of salt and their pepper at one time went into the same pot 😉
Secrets can be destructive; they are called “secrets” for a reason. Clearly some/most of the actions we indulge in should not occur in the first place, to then be converted to things we cannot speak about. Our decisions should be vetted for their transparency before they are transformed into our actions. If they do not/cannot stand up to public knowledge and scrutiny, if they fail any/every morality test, then, opt out. Having offspring that cannot be acknowledged publicly or loved openly qualifies as a big fucking no-no!
I swear, sometimes these people have me convinced one day I will find out I have another child somewhere I did not know about!