Sincerely, Fury.

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…” okay, true enough; I get the theory of that. What may appeal to me may just make you want to throw your lunch; get it. And certainly it is way too early on a Monday morning for me to get into that debate. However, let’s address this… I am finding too many of you prone to flinging words around that only prove how lazy and unimaginative (never mind, wrong) you are. I mean, am I truly the only one who when someone describes someone as beautiful or gorgeous, looks around and beyond to try to find just whom they are speaking of? Who merits such accolades? Let’s do this because I am quite used to and comfortable with “pushing the envelope” so far that when it falls, hopefully the truth comes tumbling out J

There was a time for yall and still is for me when words like “beautiful” and “gorgeous” were reserved for those among us who stopped traffic, made a room shift on its axis, caused your breathing to stop. However nowadays, as with so many other things, people are wringing the life out of how special it used to be. And this, even as I grant that “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Listen, I get that many of us seem to be on a quest to make others feel good, to uplift spirits and build confidence/self-esteem/morale; but how can any of the intended be lasting if clearly untrue? There is a quote that says, “I rather you hurt me with the truth than mislead me with a lie…” Gnaw on that.

Okay, here we go… it is high time we revert to the time where there is credibility behind our words; when we challenge ourselves to specificity and stop resorting to verbal fatigue. If someone gets their hair done and you like it, say so – but by no means should you throw out a “gorgeous” when all looking (and even the person it is directed at) know that shit is far from applicable! Because someone is wearing a beautiful dress does not automatically make them beautiful – it’s okay to solely compliment the garment. Listen to this – there are multi levels – there’s beautiful, there’s stunning, there’s striking, there’s attractive, there’s good-looking, there’s pretty, there’s cute, there is gorgeous; then, there are the terms to describe the way someone dresses, carries themselves, moves, speaks – fly, classy, sexy, intriguing, sensuous, alluring… you get the idea, yes? Stop being so god dammed lazy by ascribing “beautiful” to everyone who you may find remotely pleasing or well put-together.

Someone called me “cute” – I am many things “cute” is not one of them. So, I corrected them by challenging them to truly look at me and think about what’s in front of them, push themselves to be more person-specific and not resort to compliment-lethargy; it is insulting. Truly. I would prefer to walk through someone’s life without causing any (outward) reactions than to be inappropriately acknowledged. Sigh. Listen, I give compliments often, of course I do; I live in one of the most exciting, eclectic, diverse cities in the world and it’s chock full of interesting people doing their thing. But when I compliment, I further honor the recipient by choosing my words appropriately – if about the clothing, I stick to that, if the hair/bag/shoes, I find the words that focus there, if a smile, I compliment the smile; got it? I refuse to lump one attribute into one big pot and shake and hope it infuses all else. A stunning smile does not always make for a beautiful face.

This is not about beauty. This is about our taking the time to ensure our words honor us; that those we share our words with can determine we are to be trusted… because of their truth. I mean, I don’t know about you, but someone who tells me an obvious lie, who blows smoke up my ass by ascribing to me a compliment that is clearly ill-fitting, will be someone I anticipate is prone to embellishments, falsehoods and exaggeration. For me in all things, appropriateness and truth. Some of yall are taking this “beholder” thing way too far!

Before I go let’s just address this – some people say all babies are cute/beautiful – that is one of the biggest piles of poop in a baby’s diaper I have ever heard! People, there are ugly babies; and I promise, that is okay. Maybe what most are confusing is this, “all babies are a blessing” but tell the truth… haven’t you seen some, if not downright ugly, some funny-looking babies? I am clearly not advocating you tell the parents their child should be kept locked up and certainly off of Facebook until they hopefully “come into their own” but what I am saying is it is okay to acknowledge other things – the full head of hair, the eyes, possible cute button-nose, how alert he seems to be, how well he’s sleeping, how much he weighed… you don’t have to lie. I mean, I refuse to believe that even as parents’ hearts are bursting with the joy of bringing a healthy baby into the world, they are so blinded by the reality that well, he’s no Gerber-baby.

Let your words have integrity.

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