I have been asked my opinion on love; challenged to expose just where I stand with regard to this feeling that gives so many the “warm-fuzzies” and that? Well that then leads so many down the aisle (pun fully intended!) of disillusion and destruction. Question I think is answered, no? Want more? Okay, let’s address this…
I have done the love-thing; still doing it in fact. So the reality is that I do not only believe in it, but I most certainly do feel it. Where we may part ways however is with regard to that “love conquers all” bullshit. Or most certainly when it comes to the “fairytale” component many of you attempt to ascribe to not only the feeling, but the execution (and some of you should be executed! Ha-ha). People listen, once either your heart starts fluttering, your palms get (and stay) sweaty, your knees get weak and your loins grow up, throb or moisten and you attribute either or all of these eventualities to the fact that, “He/she must be ‘the one’”, then I implore you to then realize that the work just now begins. Seriously. See, in my humble (ha-ha) opinion, too many believe that the hard part is finding that “one” person (I am here to tell you all that in this world of billions, it is ludicrous to think there is only “one”! I mean, maybe, just maybe you can make an argument that there is only “one” in Brooklyn; but don’t forget Manhattan, New Jersey, the Bronx, Staten Island, Westchester, etc, etc, etc. But, I digress…) and once yall find your prince or princess you could then relax. Nope. The reality is that if you truly believe that this one person in the vast sea of billions is “the one” then it would seem to me to be the precise reason you begin to work like you have never before. Again, let’s address this…
Stop glorifying your relationships! Stop buying into the bullshit you see on television with regard to the fairytales; sorry, they do not exist! I am in no way stating that in our relationships we should abandon the ideas and desires that can manifest into the mushy reality of either our jumping up and down in excitement, bringing tears of joy to our hearts and eyes or those that mandate we express either our joy, gratitude or love through the timeless art of making love. No; I would be an ass to suggest that! And, I would miss out on way too many beautiful moments myself! But what I am saying is that we need to start also implementing into our relationships (if they matter to us), a business-minded approach. Yes, I know it sounds less than romantic; but see, do a survey – compare how quickly business fail versus how quickly/often relationships do. Yep. Getting closer to my point?
In choosing a mate, look at not only their and your short-term goals and potential, but certainly their/your long-term ones as well. Most people can work well or fake it or settle for a short period of time, how foolish would it be to hitch your fine ass to another of lesser long-term ability?! A lot of friends and articles caution against having those so-called “serious” conversations too early, denouncing the wisdom of speaking about marriage, religion, politics, children and finances in any time before let’s say, six months in. That is up there with some of the most foolish advice I have ever heard! Let me ask you this – what the fuck else should you be speaking of with someone you are investing your time and body in?! Why are we so afraid to stick our entire fists into the heart of situations?! What better indicator is there that that person is not “the one” that their inability, unwillingness or reluctance to take the time to share the important stuff with you?! So what if they walk away? Good. Remember… billions! We should not be afraid to let others know not only do we take our lives very seriously, but that we are also willing to honor them by treating theirs the same. We should be proud to expose the fact that we realize it will take much more than love to get us through high winds, storms tornadoes and my personal unfavorite… boredom!
Listen, don’t lose the stars in your eyes; yall dream as much as you would like. Call your girls to giggle or your boys to boast. But when you put down that phone, I implore you to be about more than the color and size of the diamond. Get realistic about his ability to pay for said stone and yours to not only bring something to the table, but to buy the damned table if necessary! Talk about the church for the ceremony; but also speak about the importance or not of the church for your lives before and after. Ask about and pay attention to each others’ family dynamics and discuss the hypothetical eventuality of having your own. Oh… and be honest about the shit! Ask about the exes – not in any petty, catty, insecure, childish kind of way – but in an attempt to not only glean what went wrong, but more importantly to ascertain how your potential partner handled said relationship and break-up. Do not delude yourself that you’ve got it going on so bad that you will be treated any differently. Discuss education, past and future; an educated partner not only has the potential to provide a comfortable standard of living and security, but the ability to think critically can net better results during times of stress and strife.
I can keep on with the list of topics you should be discussing – long before you start exchanging bodily fluids and getting your lust confused with your must. Believe me when I tell you – in order to stand any chance for a happy relationship, you must to a very large extent, remove the emotion, the delusion, the fucking unrealistic expectations and realize that what you are proposing (no pun intended) is a merger and, like any smart businessman will tell you, in order for your venture to be a success there are a few key components:
- A plan or dream; followed by a feasibility study
- A partner of equal caliber
- A blueprint
- Set of short and long-term projections
- Contingency/exit strategies
- Trusted support personnel
- And, to help keep everyone honest, an attorney on retainer J