My Advice? Date Someone Already In A Relationship.

If we’re brave and honest enough to articulate, so many of our conversations may begin with, “I am so bored!” and sadly, this will be in response to the question, “How are you and your partner/husband/wife doing/’

It is documented that finances (or the lack thereof) is the biggest contributor to today’s divorce rate; I will not be so arrogant as to argue with statistics. But as I grant that financial struggles may adversely affect the rate of divorce, can we agree that boredom or the waning lack of excitement bear the responsibility for the high rate of infidelity? You see, the government and church are concerned with and get involved in the finality of our unions; the one worried about the possible drain on its financial resources, the other the effect on our souls.

What we all will be well advised to focus on however is that at-first tiny niggling feeling that enters oftentimes unnoticed. That ‘thing’ that appears on any arbitrary Sunday and fools us into thinking it is just that Sunday. Come on… we’ve all had that Sunday – the one where you do nothing but roam from room to room, take a nap (or two), flick through the channels hoping something catches your attention, decide to do laundry… ‘cause, why not? That Sunday. But here’s the thing – all this while in the house, apartment, bed with your partner; missing the reality that not even he/she is catching your attention.

Boredom. The death-knell to many relationships worldwide. But the good news is, even if it has already crept into your home, it can be reversed. If you’re fortunate and it has not yet entered, it can be prevented.


Date each other. Even when married. Shit! Especially when married! Never get so damned complacent that you begin to neglect the touches, caresses, words, nuances, looks that got you to this point. And for Heaven’s sake… continue to fuck each other like you’re single! Seriously. Instead of labeling your current relationship “dead” and going out to seek a replacement, start treating your partner as if they are that someone new you are trying to pick up. “Put it on them” like you would the new chick you’re trying to impress. ‘Wine. Dine” and make them remember, ‘You’re mine.” Remember how you got there and continue to be that person.

People, it is not difficult to remain in love and excited… even after a few years. Well that is, if you’re committed to that. I get that “life” has this annoying habit of getting in the way of excitement sometimes/often. But, all that means is that we’re challenged to become more imaginative. Commitment. I swear the next time I say my vows, I will promise to continue to be the woman they fell in love with. In truth, I think that sums up anything else I could have detailed.

Listen, if your relationship is important, become imaginative. Date. Recreate evenings/occasions/moments you shared while you were still getting to know each other – the things that made her smile/giggle or whisper to her friends. The ones that made him boast to his friends. Wear the clothes that make his dick hard and made her grab on to your arm even tighter with pride. Whisper, nibble, stroke, wink. Those seemingly aimless Sundays? Have a picnic in the living room… nude, if you can. Big enough house or apartment? Get dressed in different rooms and “pick” her up by knocking on her bedroom door. Instead of going through pockets searching for trouble, write a naughty note, put it in there and start your own 😉

Here we go. Choose what you would like from your union. Be dedicated to it. Committed. Work around what life throws at you. Shit! Use what life throws at you. Raining all weekend? Open the windows, go out in it… get wet. Sun too hot? Take off your clothes. Snow? Build a fire. Just see what happens when you stop missing the forest for the trees. The difference between success and failure is truly perspective. Imagination. Willingness. Dedication. Commitment.

Date. Never stop. Love like you want to be married. Fuck like you’re single.


One response to My Advice? Date Someone Already In A Relationship.

  1. Lids

    My word…..I had a lengthy discussion last night about this same topic. Amazing that I am reading this from you today. I so believe and agree with everything you have said here.

    Thanks for sharing and I will in turn share this to show that I am not the only one feels this way…



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