I find the concept of, “not taking sides” not only fascinating, but impossible (okay… I find it disloyal).
Listen, I absofuckinglutely understand that when things are chugging along just nicely, the notion of all of us just getting along is warm and fuzzy and all kinds kumbaya. However, not only do I question the feasibility of staying true to both parties in the event of rockiness, but there is a part of me that shuns the notion altogether. So, every time this particular circumstance arises I am not only left with the question, “how?” but most certainly, “why?”
See, my take on those amongst us that pride themselves on “not taking sides” is this – you stand for nothing. Seriously. I mean, in most instances when bullshit happens, there is a clear-cut who-the-fuck-fucked-up person. In very few cases are all parties innocent bystanders. So, isn’t it then logical (not to mention, loyal) to have a position firmly on one side or the other? Since when did waffling or being spineless become something to boast?! “I am not taking sides” Kiss my ass!
It’s as if those who pat themselves on the back thinking this is their most treasured attribute have found a way to make boiled spaghetti anything but wobbly. Not firm. When was it exactly that we decided that in instances of discord, of heartache, of wrongdoing that our best position is no position? When did we implement a sleight of hand to disloyalty in our attempt to confuse and call it by any other name?
Listen. Owning a position, picking a side is not necessarily a bad thing. There are absolutely many situations where that is not only appropriate, but necessary. Trying to attempt to paint a situation neutral when it clearly calls for assertive, makes you a pussy! Calling a spade a spade does not make you disloyal, it makes you right. Looking at a spade and deciding to not call it anything at all, or figuring if you were to cock your head just-so maybe you won’t ruffle any feathers by calling it a shovel, makes you a pussy! (Oh; and feel free to look up the difference between the two… there is one).
But listen, I understand the inclination, especially when the discord is between two people you love or value, to attempt to remain neutral in an effort to maintain both relationships. I get it. But ask yourself… if you are unable to speak the truth in any situation for fear of losing a relationship, did you ever have an authentic relationship in the first place? If truth causes distance, let it! If obvious physical and emotional support for one wronged causes a rift, let it! Pick a fucking side, people… the side of truth and loyalty!
I said I was fascinated. The fascination comes in part from humans’ desire to share everything… like friends. And family. This need so many have to intermingle all parts of their lives, finding themselves in trouble when called upon to exercise the balls to “call a spade a spade”. Folks choosing to hide behind the, “they’re/you’re both my _____”; pussyfooting where they should be sure-footed.
There are couples I like. Shit! Many I even love. But I can also honestly say that in each two-some there is one partner I am more loyal to. Now, that loyalty may be born from many aspects: related, years known, time/emotion invested, the other partner is simply a jack-ass… you get my drift. Don’t get me wrong however, ‘loyalty’ does not always mean I agree or approve; but it certainly does always mean that my “side” is clear. In no situation (publicly) would one ever have to wonder just who I am rooting or throwing down for. In private, I will have whatever conversation I need to; even if it needs to start with, “now you know damn well your ass was wrong!”
Yes, I like when everyone gets along; it certainly makes for a more fun and less violent existence. But do I necessarily think it must happen deeply between partners and the friends/family each came into the situation with? No. Do I think the lines oftentimes get too blurred manifesting that decision to play both sides? Yes. Do I think it possible some are able to successfully meld their present and future lives with their past? Well, only if all parties are like-minded in either the solidity of their individual loyalties or their acknowledgement of their willingness to leave it exposed and vulnerable to influence and circumstance.
Here is my position always… For me I expect absolute loyalty. For honey, I expect absolute respect. Period.
This should make it more than easy to, “pick a side” J