We are getting sicker by the minute.
And when I say, “sicker” that denotes that in some ways, we have already been diagnosed as being sick and it is just getting worse! The disease that courses through the veins of many, that dictates the levels of depravity they allow themselves is staggering! The ‘thing’ that wakes one up in the mornings and says, “Today is the day you kill multitudes of people you have never met!” and the voice that is so fucking compelling you actually go out and do it…
I do not know about you all, but I am sick and fucking tired of, ‘praying for the souls of _____ and their families’! I am sick and fucking tired of imagining what X situation must have been like for those who had a ring-side seat to someone else’s depraved decisions! I am sick and fucking tired imagining similar scenarios occurring in those moments I, like so many of you, am walking through Grand Central, Penn Station and any of the subway systems that are designed to solely take us from here to there; but that truthfully, can be vehicles that carry the depraved! I am sick and fucking tired of being scared to leave my home because the next murderous asshole could be standing shoulder-to-shoulder with me at any of the modes of commuting I take to get me to where I need to be! I am sick and fucking tired of people who believe they have the right to play ‘God’ in my life and decide how and for how long I get to enjoy the realities I have worked for, loved for, fought for, cried for and prayed over!
I, like you I know, am sickened by this latest bit of human depravity! And, I am so sure God is regretting His mistake in making this particular asshole! I am certain He is working on a do-over and since that fatal moment on Sunday, has created thousands of new beautiful souls to try help soothe the pain. I, like you I know, am shaking my head in complete befuddlement at this world we now inhabit; wondering just when did things go so very wrong? It’s as if we (the collective) have gone completely hay-wire and have given ourselves the authority to do so without any pause or conscience! Just when did our (the collective) souls become so devoid of anything human or humane? Just-the-fuck-when did we decide that it just wasn’t good enough to know the devil walked amongst us (praying we never encountered him) and opted instead to not simply invite him into our homes, but making the choice and decision to fuck him as well?! And procreate?!
My heart hurts. It is hurting in those places that only those who love me and for whom it beats should know about. The pain and grief are radiating to those crevices where my dreams, hope and confidence inhabit. They are making my feet stumble; unsure if any stride will be my last stride. I walk praying, “Not Today!” every day as I go about the business of living; praying to not encounter someone going about the business of dying.
THIS IS NOT WHAT IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE! We are not here for this! This journey is supposed to be the manifestation of what we can dream of for ourselves. With bumps, yes; they keep us focused, driven and humble. What is nowhere in the handbook however, is the fine print that your sick, depraved, homicidal, suicidal aspirations trump mine! Nowhere is it written that your lack of hope and humanity get to snuff out my joy, excitement, optimism, pride, hope… my life!
God have every mercy on us! May the souls of those murdered on Sunday rest in peace, even as I wish them wings to not just fly, but to soar. I pray the hearts of those whom they loved and who love them in time, find solace. I pray for their strength to carry on and the peace of mind to eradicate any survivor’s guilt. I pray that someday, they smile again.
And finally, I pray the body and the vacant spot that should have housed the soul of that murderer burns in a hell that is tens of millions of times worse than the one he has visited upon us all!